Never set a world record? No? Wait no longer.
The Orem Owlz, in the grand tradition of minor league baseball promotions, needs your help with their attempts to set a Guinness World Record on Saturday night.
First, show up sober. The Owlz don't serve beer, and team managers think they should own the record for least amount of alcohol consumed at a minor league baseball game.
A more serious record attempt, at least as minor league baseball goes, will be an effort to set the mark for most people blowing bubbles with bubble gum at the same time.
"We hope to have 3,000 to 4,000 people blowing bubbles at the same time," general manager Aaron Wells said.
Be ready to yell, too. The guy who sits in the stands and hoots every time an Owlz pitcher throws a strike or the Owlz make a great play is a team tradition. Wells thinks that if you join in, you can be part of the record for most people making owl sounds at the same time.
Other potential records will be shown via video, like a compilation of what Owlz management thinks might be the worst first pitches ever thrown by celebrities before games.
And a pair of Owlz staffers will try to eat their way to fame. Starting with the first pitch, they'll snarf churros until the final out in an effort to set the mark for most fried-dough snacks eaten during a minor league game.
If that doesn't get you out to the ballpark, the Owlz have nearly three dozen other promotions set to lure you, sometime over the next two months, to Brent Brown Ballpark on the campus of Utah Valley University.
Of course, the Owlz are popular enough on their own. Season ticket sales are up 31 percent this year, Wells said.
The reasons are simple. The team annually wins the Pioneer League championship or is at least in contention, and this year the Owlz are off to another hot start.
Manager Tom Kotchman will notch career victory 1,500 any day now. In fact, it could come Saturday night, a nice fit for Guinness World Record night, since Kotchman is the winningest active minor league manager in baseball.
The team has a 1,500-win promotion set for July 31 when the team will give away mini-bats.
Finally, and most important for baseball purists, the Owlz have been fertile ground for future major league players since the team began playing in Utah Valley in 2001 under a different name.
You see, the Owlz are the team formerly known as the Provo Angels, which played at Brigham Young University from 2001 to 2004. They also are a farm club for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, the team formerly known as the Anaheim Angels, a team formerly known as the California Angels, which itself is the team formerly known as the Los Angeles Angels.
Even for popular teams like the Owlz, promotions are the lifeblood of minor league baseball. So the Owlz will give away hats July 1, stage four "Owlz Got Talent" competitions and host '80s Night, Look-Alike Night and Newlywed Night.
My favorite is High School (Guitar) Hero Contest Night on Sept. 4. Local high schoolers can compete in the video game contest before and during the game. The winning
high school will get tickets for the 2009 season to use for promotions.
And Wells promised me the team won't mimic the Hickory Crawdads promotion staged on Friday the 13th, a "Hairy Scary Back Contest."
The fan with the hairiest or scariest back won a Crawdads cap and, of course, a free laser hair removal procedure.Guess that qualifies as community service.
Utah County Bureau Chief Tad Walch lives with his wife and five children in Provo, their home for the past 21 years. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.