L. Pief Weyman, A&e
Corey Haim and Corey Feldman Corey Haim, Susie Feldman and Corey Feldman on "Two Coreys."

The "Two Coreys" is one of the worst reality shows anybody has ever written.

And, make no mistake about it, the second season of the Corey Haim-Corey Feldman pairing seems no more real than the first.

These guys may not be good actors, but they are actors. And they're clearly acting, rather than behaving, in "The Two Coreys."

Haim and Feldman, both now 37, were once teen idols of the first magnitude. They co-starred in eight movies, most notably "The Lost Boys" and "License to Drive."

But both of them had addiction problems. Their careers tanked. And they've spent most of the past couple of decades as has-beens.

They reteamed last year for the first season of "The Two Coreys," sort of playing a version of "The Odd Couple." Haim, the addict/slob, moved in with neat-freak Feldman and his wife, Susie.

It appeared totally staged. And it ended with the two having a huge fight in which Haim tossed horrendous insults at Feldman's wife.

It was a great cliffhanger that set up the second season, which begins with a ridiculous amount of ridiculous drama. Haim and Feldman say horrible things about each other to the camera and vow never to have anything to do with one another again.

"I just don't understand why we need to be friends again," Feldman says.

Well, duh. Maybe it's because you're both so desperate for attention that you're doing this stupid reality show.

Here's a big surprise. The two Coreys repair their relationship, at least enough to do the show together.

Shocking.

But it's not like "The Two Coreys" gets any better at that point. Feldman and Haim actually compete over which of them was more damaged by being sexually molested when they were teenagers.

I am NOT making this up.

The two go to couples counseling, and their therapist tells Haim to "paint the sadness" that he's feeling.

I am NOT making this up.

The biggest problem with the show is that so much of it seems so unreal it's impossible to believe any of it. Were either of the Coreys actually molested? Is Haim really taking drugs again? Is Feldman really concerned about his "friend" or is this just more material for the show?

I have no idea.

Two new episodes of "The Two Coreys" air back-to-back on Sunday at 11 and 11:30 p.m. on A&E.

I WAS TEMPTED to declare "The Two Coreys" the worst celeb-reality show on television, but then I remembered "Denise Richards: It's Complicated."

What's astonishing about that show is that there's actually a woman whose personal life can make Charlie Sheen's look good in comparison.


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