Divine arrangement

Some say ballpark food will put you in your grave.

But who knew a ballpark would pay for the services?

Elaine Fulps, of Arlington, Texas, won a slightly macabre promotion last week: an all-expenses-paid funeral, compliments of the Grand View Prairie Air Hogs.

Fulps, 60, has had 20 or so surgeries for various ailments but says she isn't planning on cashing in her prize just yet.

"God still has me around for a reason," she told the Dallas Morning News. "To win a funeral."

Or maybe just to give Rock On something to scratch its head at on a Tuesday morning ...

Food for thought

Sameer Mishra, of Lafayette, Ind., won the 81st Scripps National Spelling Bee last week.

The 13-year-old correctly spelled "guerdon," a word meaning "reward."

Among the other words in the contest: etagere, solidungulate, accordiatura, brankursine, otachyriasis and opificer.

Rumor has it Latrell Sprewell was eliminated by the word "substantiate," as in "Twenty-one million dollars? Please. I've got my family to substantiate."

The right price

Memphis owner Michael Heisley agrees: the Grizzlies got had.

Heisley told Yahoo Sports! that G.M. Chris Wallace could have waited for a better deal, rather than trading Pau Gasol to L.A. for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton and some useless draft picks.

"I don't know if I got the most value. Maybe our people should have shopped (Gasol) more and maybe we would have gotten more, done a better deal," Heisley said. "Maybe Chris did call every team in the league. I don't think he did, but maybe he should've ..."

Yeah, word is if he'd held out a day longer he could have talked the Lakers into tossing in Paula Abdul and a year's supply of Randy's Donuts.

Chip shot

The man behind the Pringles potato chip can must have really liked his invention.

He was buried in one.

Fredric J. Baur died last month in Cincinnati, at 89. According to his wishes, part of his cremated remains were placed in a Pringles container at his grave.

So now we know what the sportscasters mean when they say, "This one's in the can!"

Playing shape

June is here and Barry Bonds is nowhere to be seen.

Baseball's all-time home run king is still out of work. But if he does find someone who wants to employ a boorish, self-centered jerk, Bonds will be ready, according to one pitcher.

John Yandle, Bonds' personal batting practice pitcher told the New York Times News Service that Bonds is working out at home and looking good.

"He looked," Yandle said, "like he could put on a uniform and go out and hit three home runs."

Which means he's probably bloated, sluggish and detached — same as before he lost his job.


E-mail: rock@desnews.com