Not a pretty picture

If you're eating breakfast, you may want to stop reading right here.

Reports say New York Yankee Jason Giambi, who is trying to fight his way out of a horrendous slump, has a great slump-buster: a gold lame thong.

He says he puts it on under his uniform when his batting average goes, well, south.

Gross.

On the bright side, it's still not as gross as shooting himself in the rear with steroids.

Community property

Giambi claims to have left the thong in the lockers of slumping teammates, too, and it's always worked. But since he's currently batting under .200, he's probably keeping it for himself.

Meanwhile, New York fans are giving him the bum's rush.

"I never hear the boos," he told reporters, "because I'm too busy booing myself."

Yeah, well, shouldn't everyone be booing a guy who recycles his skivvies?

Focus pocus

Much was made, last week, of Andrei Kirilenko's trip to San Francisco to resolve visa/summer vacation issues.

Seems a lot of people thought missing Jazz practice for a day was a distraction.

Still, distractions are overrated. Derek Fisher played wonderfully in Game 2 of the Western Conference semifinals last year — same day his daughter had surgery for eye cancer. Dennis Rodman gambled in Vegas, dated Madonna, threw parties, groped women, smoked big cigars and cross-dressed — often during the playoffs — yet still earned five championship rings.

Karl Malone was prolific in the 1998 playoffs, even after news broke that he had two children he hadn't publicly acknowledged.

That's what good teams and players do, is play through distractions.

Dust to dust

Major sports teams are having to deal with a new problem: putting people to rest.

Increasing numbers are requesting in their wills that their ashes be sprinkled over their favorite playing fields. But sometimes it can be too much of a good thing.

"It probably happens and we sort of turn a blind eye if people are discreet," Dallas Cowboys spokesman Rich Dalrymple told The Associated Press. "But we don't really feel it's appropriate."

The trend is even becoming a problem here in Salt Lake.

After all, Carlos Boozer left his ashes on the EnergySolutions Arena court.

Limited options

And finally, this from an Internet list of timeless sports quotes: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." — Orlando Magic G.M. Pat Williams after a 7-27 start in 1991-92.


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