Roger Clemens says that his old pal Andy Pettitte "misremembers" when he claims that Clemens used human growth hormone. Now Pettitte is trying to misforget to make sure he has his story straight. Meanwhile, Clemens is going to continue his English studies at Karl Malone State.
Gee, these annual congressional hearings with the jock set are fun. Have you misremembered the last time Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro turned up on Capitol Hill? Palmeiro lied, and McGwire said he didn't want to talk about the past. Or maybe he just misremembered.Mister Know It All is back in the studio to answer all your tough sports questions. It's open-line Wednesday; what's on your mind, if you'll pardon the overstatement.
QUESTION: I don't get it. We've got athletes being suspended for using performance-enhancing drugs, we've got athletes being grilled by Congress for drug use, we've got mandatory drug tests for athletes, and Sylvester Stallone admits he used human growth hormone to get buff for the latest Rambo movie, but nobody's marched him to Washington to face Congress.
MISTER K: Thanks, you just ruined the plot for the next Rambo movie. A Hollywood doctor says a growing number of stars are turning to HGH. The 61-year-old Stallone says there is nothing wrong with using it. Well, other than the fact that it's illegal to use without a prescription and that doctors say it is a very powerful drug with significant side effects.
QUESTION: During testimony in Washington, it was revealed that Roger Clemens' wife, Debbie, took human growth hormone before a swimsuit photo shoot for Sports Illustrated. Clemens claims his wife had only one shot, but does this seem likely?
MISTER K: Based on photo evidence, it appears she had at least two of them. For all we know, the children and the family dog had a shot or two as well.
QUESTION: Don't you think someone will do a movie on the fond memories we'll all have of Bobby Knight?
MISTER K: Yes, but it will be a very short film.
QUESTION: Speaking of ornery basketball coaches, whatever happened to Nolan Richardson?
MISTER K: After winning a national championship in 1994 and becoming the all-time winningest coach in Arkansas history, he finally wore everybody out with his permanent bad mood and non-stop charges of racism. In 2002, Richardson claimed he was being mistreated by the university, which was paying him $3 million, and announced, "If they go ahead and pay me my money, they can take the job tomorrow." Oops, they did just that. Richardson filed a racism lawsuit but lost. Curiously, Bob Huggins and Bob Knight both got second chances, but Richardson didn't get a single job interview for five years. It probably had more to do with his pit-bull attitude than his skin color. He finally took a coaching job with the national team in Mexico. Like Knight, Richardson's hair has turned white since 2002, it being a burden to carry a chip on your shoulder the size of a railroad tie.
QUESTION: Think anyone is truly happy to see Roger Clemens get grilled amid all the media attention?
MISTER K: Barry Bonds.
QUESTION: How do you think Norm Chow will fit in as offensive coordinator at UCLA?
MISTER K: Well, let's see, he applied for the head coaching job but didn't get it but accepted a position from the guy who did. And his cross-town rival will be Pete Carroll, his former boss at USC with whom he had a major clash of egos that probably assisted his exit to the NFL. So, no, Chow's presence at UCLA certainly won't be awkward at all.
QUESTION: Who's your new hero?
MISTER K: Kevin Hart, the Nevada prep football player who held a big press conference in a gym packed with students, cameras and media to announce that he was going to sign a letter of intent with, ta-dum, Cal. Turns out it was all a hoax. Nobody recruited Hart. Even if it was unintentional, he spoofed this ridiculous practice of fussing over 18-year-old jocks for picking a college, which makes it all worthwhile. By the way, why didn't his clueless coaches and parents stop this charade before it began?
QUESTION: In your opinion, what is the one thing that is missing in sports these days?
MISTER K: One honest man or woman see Reggie Bush, Roger Clemens or Brian McNamee (pick one), Bill Belichick, Kevin Hart, Kelvin Sampson, Marion Jones, Barry Bonds, Nick "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach" Saban ...