To: NCAA, BCS, etc., etc.

From: Joe Fan

Dear — how do I put this politely? — Morons;

I saw the bowl schedule you released this week.

Thanks for nothing. What a dog.

Where do we flush this thing?

This is the most lackluster bowl schedule ever. It's not that we partially blame you for this situation — we completely blame you.

If ever a season cried out for a playoff system, this is it.

If ever a season was a testament to how broken the BCS is, this is it.

If ever a season illustrated how nonsensical and silly the bowl selections are, this is it.

Who's running this show, Carrot Top?

By the time all the dust settled from the 14-week regular season, nothing was settled. In the AP poll, there were five changes in the No. 1 ranking, nine changes in the No. 2 ranking, 12 changes in the No. 3 ranking, 11 changes in the No. 4 ranking and 12 changes in the No. 5 ranking.

What does it mean? It means that ranking teams in this era of parity is a complete crapshoot. And that's with computers and computer geeks and polls and mathematical formulas. You'd do just as well by throwing darts at a list of teams.

If you can't rank teams with any more accuracy than that, how are you going to select bowl matchups with any integrity? How are you going to pick a national championship game?

Can't be done.

No team or teams stood apart from the rest this season. Mediocrity carried the season. There are a dozen teams that could make an equal claim to the national championship game.

The five BCS bowls pit LSU-Ohio State; Virginia Tech-Kansas; USC-Illinois; Oklahoma-West Virginia; Hawaii-Georgia.

Hope I can stay awake.

If it's a choice between Oklahoma-West Virginia and reruns of "The Office," Pam and Jim win by a landslide.

Somebody explain how LSU leapfrogged Virginia Tech, Kansas and Georgia to move from No. 7 to No. 2 in the final poll, with two losses.

The wonder is that they couldn't squeeze Notre Dame into the picture somehow.

Will all those who think the bowl season will settle the question of a national champion, or even come close, please raise your hand.

Let's say it: The 2007 collegiate football season is a disaster.

Using computers and polls to decide national champions is bad enough, but then add the automatic tie-ins between bowls and conferences to create the bowl lineup, and you've got complete nonsense.

Cal lost six of its last seven games; they get to play 8-4 Air Force in the Armed Forces Bowl.

BYU is 10-2, winning its last 9 games, and all the Cougars have to show for it is a Las Vegas Bowl date with 6-6 UCLA, a team so bad that the coach was fired.

If the BCS has so much faith in its ranking system, why does it ignore those rankings and use automatic conference-bowl tie-ins to leapfrog teams over higher ranked teams into a BCS bowl (please see 9-3, 13th-ranked Illinois, among many others)?

College football is such a mess that all the old "rules" of college football — which were silly to begin with — have been tossed out the window.

Don't lose late in the season? Tell that to LSU and Ohio State, which both lost their next-to-last games of the season. That used to be a season-killer.

Don't lose more than one game, if that many? Seven of the 10 teams playing in the BCS bowls have at least two losses (Illinois has three), including No. 2 LSU.

Don't pile up wins against weak opponents? Tell that to unbeaten Hawaii, which earned a BCS bowl berth by playing the worst schedule in Division I football, including opponents such as Northern Colorado, Charleston Southern, Idaho, Utah State and New Mexico State. Only two of Hawaii's opponents had winning records, and they had a combined record of 52-79.

Hawaii's weak schedule is so glaring that even BYU fans and media have criticized it, which is ironic since the Cougars used the same system to win the 1984 national championship while under similar criticism of a weak schedule (remember Bryant Gumbel and Bo Diddley Tech?). If Hawaii were playing under the system that was in place in 1984, they would be playing for a national championship in a few weeks.

But the rules have changed since then, and there is almost no chance for an outsider to pull off what BYU accomplished 23 years ago. Teams from the West — Boise State, Utah, Hawaii — manage to crash the party occasionally with unbeaten records, but they haven't been allowed to compete for the championship. That's only one of the many things that are wrong with college football.

E-mail: [email protected]