I'm overwhelmed. You guys sent me nearly 500 sentences this year! Way to go! I love you! So here it is, kids —The Best of the Worst (your Official 2007 Edition)!

Dark and stormy night

It was a dark and stormy night, but Alicia was learning to her great distress that it's going to be that way when you spend the winter in Anchorage and forget to pay your power bill. — Pam Williams

Science Fiction

The spaceship descended slowly, looking like a giant submarine sandwich — except it was made of metal, not bread, and was actually more circular and not so much oblong, and most importantly, the green things inside were sentient alien beings capable of interstellar travel, instead of pickles. — Mike Middleton


When the young count was suspended from school yet again for biting, Nosferatu's parents began to suspect there was something different about their boy. — Sean Johnson

Talking Unicorn

Her eyes were numinous, her voice mellifluous, her thighs voluminous, and her demeanor opprobrious — indeed, she was the best bouncer the Talking Unicorn had ever had. — David Alvin Edwards


John first saw the next "love of his life" when he exited the whole foods grocery store and knocked the overly ripe melons she was returning from her large shapely hands — showering both of them with sweet warm fruit. — MacKay Jones

His hot breath was on her knee; his questing tongue caressed her naked flesh and his excited panting rose to a frenzy of anticipation as Desiree reflected that she really ought to stop feeding the dog at the breakfast table. — Ingrid Trausch, DVM

Romance Gone Really Wrong

She stood mesmerized as the figure emerged from the shadow and she could clearly see a tall, manly form, glistening black hair, penetrating dark eyes, a half-smile on soft, kissable lips, brawny shoulders narrowing toward a slim waist, and the firm muscled legs ending in cloven feet. — Nora Sampson

Words to Live By

When we are most concerned about others, we'll forget ourselves as if we were a rotting sack of potatoes thrown out with the trash. — Erin Hallmark

Power of Positive Thinking

Looking back at the past year — the kidnapping, the landslide, the dog attack, the tree falling on her car, along with her brother's inexplicable habit of showing up at every family party with a different girlfriend — Kim decided that it hadn't been so bad after all and wondered what on earth could happen next as she peered out the airplane door, waiting for the instructor to tell her when to jump. — Natalie Carbone

Sweepstakes Winner

If ever there were two people who desperately wanted to kiss each other at this exact moment, they were Jim and Betty, but since, at this exact moment, Betty was chained in the dungeon of a backwater prison in Argentina, and since Jim was currently plummeting toward the ground in Montana after a freak hang-glider failure, it wasn't very likely to happen. — David Goddard

NEXT WEEK: Best of the Bad entries submitted by readers 18 and under!

E-mail: acannon@desnews.com