Dear Abby: My wife, "Nancy," and I have been married 3 1/2 years. We've always had our differences our taste in music and movies, and the fact that she's a social butterfly and I'm not. But we've always been loving and had similar goals and interests in other areas of life.
About four months ago, Nancy met a guy on MySpace. He's from southern Oklahoma; she's from Dallas. They hit it off right away and are now self-declared "best buds." I don't doubt that they are just friends. However, he always says how much he "cares" for her. They spend many hours a day talking to each other on the computer. I have voiced my concerns, which have been met with stiff resistance.
Now my wife is planning a trip to Dallas where her parents live to spend a week with them and this guy that she met online. I don't think anything is going on now, but I suppose it could happen.
What really bothers me is the amount of time they spend on the computer and leaving messages for each other when they aren't both on. It leaves no time for our marriage. It also tells me that Nancy isn't getting what she needs from me or is bored with me because she makes the choice to continually talk with him instead.
I have already told her I want a divorce based on the premise that "If marriage is a flame, she is snuffing it out."
Is this a sound choice on my part? Doing this is very difficult, and it's just begun. And yes, I am filled with so much anger, frustration and rage that it's hard to hold on. Hurt Beyond Words, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Dear Hurt: Your wife is having an emotional affair, and you have every right to feel the emotions you're experiencing. However, instead of telling her you want a divorce, you should have told her you wanted marriage counseling to see if the two of you could iron out your differences. If it isn't too late, please try it before she leaves for Texas, because if she goes, your problems will only compound.
I also recommend that you discuss the situation with your in-laws and try to enlist their help. I'm sure they will be less than thrilled to know that she's using her prospective visit as a way of meeting her new "best bud."
Dear Abby: I have a problem with time. I am always late, no matter what whether it's to class, to see friends, to the movies. I am early occasionally, but usually I am barely on time or late.
I have tried giving myself time frames and everything else I can think of, but nothing ever works. I have just started high school, and I want to shed the reputation of being "the late Miss Suzie." Do you have any suggestions to help prevent my lateness? The "Late" Miss Suzie
Dear Miss Suzie: I'm glad you realize that you have a problem, because being chronically late is not only evidence of poor time management, it is also rude and an inconvenience to others. There is truth to the old saying that when people are kept waiting, they use the time to count up the tardy person's faults.I do have a suggestion that has worked for me. Because you are usually "barely" on time or late, set your clock 10 minutes ahead. Then "forget" about it and abide by your clock. The secret is in the forgetting.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate
© Universal Press Syndicate