Folks, we have some good news and some bad news.

First the good news: Jess has been accepted to join an elite group of intellectuals in a European think tank. Yes, she is very, very, very smart.J: Actually, I've just been having some problems with the IRS, and my Mafia connections have only exacerbated the problem, making leaving the country necessary. OK, OK. I'm leaving for a year to go to school in France, and one of my biggest regrets is that I will no longer be able to fulfill my role as a nightlife columnist.

L: So, the bad news is that I'M ALL ALONE IN A CITY FULL OF STRANGERS!

We've been doing this thing almost a year now, so we thought we'd list our Hot Picks and highlights from running around like a couple of silly teenagers (not necessarily in chronological order):

- Hot Pick No. 1: Our Column.

- Hot Pick No. 2: Us, on the cover of Salt Lake City Weekly, provocatively draped over a piano. Bill Frost made us local celebrities for his Scene & Heard rate-a-record column. Our parents were so darned proud.

- Hot Pick No. 3: Being made fun of by Bill Frost in Salt Lake City Weekly last fall. Thanks kid, you made us infamous. Which is pretty much better than famous, even if you are a celebrity.

- Hot Pick No. 4: Hard Rock. Yes, that was us you briefly saw on TV imbibing large amounts of um, uh, free beverages. Best party of the year . . . that we were invited to anyway. (We even enjoyed Lisa Johnson's too-tight pants.)

- Hot Pick No. 5: Gotta be the WARPED TOUR! We hung out in the Daddies bus, were called "love" by the Specials and exchanged jokes with Save Ferris. We even flirted a tiny bit with the big cheese of the big show. Neat.

- Hot Pick No. 6: We were on Park City TV. None of you saw it, that's OK. It was a personal victory. Thanks, Park City, for all your support.

- Hot Pick No. 7: Our ability to publicly go after Spanky's as much as possible. Yes, it really is that bad.

- Hot Pick No. 8: Being asked if we were dropping off applications at HOOTERS when we went to interview the sketchy manager.

- Hot Pick No. 9: Fan letter from "Buffalo" Bill Athey. 'Preciate all your doin', buddy!

And finally . . .

- Hot Pick No. 10: Reintroducing words like "neat" and "cool" into Salt Lake's somewhat "special" - but limited - vocabulary.

J: I'd like to thank the few of you who have come up to me in bars and asked, "Hey, aren't you that chick who, like, writes with that other chick about, like, bands and other stuff?" That made me feel really special. Also, thanks to those of you who, upon finally meeting me in person, told me I look nothing like the picture of me in the paper. I hate that picture. Well, I guess this is,"Adios" . . . for now . . . but I'll be back. (For a special guest appearance on a soon-to-be-announced date).

L: Yes, the position is open. Send resumes and head shots, candy, flowers, writing samples, urine samples and a current driver's license to Steven R. Covey. He'll really like 'em.