Even before Monica Lewinsky became headline news, we all knew about men who sought sexual gratification in the workplace. And let's all understand that sexual gratification and falling in love with someone with whom one works are often two different things.

But while attention may focus on the man or woman who strays, we sometimes get so involved in the couple and the repercussions of their affair on office politics that we forget about the spouse who must face the hurtful facts of an affair or sexual misconduct.Today's letter reminds us that every so-called wronged spouse does not have the high profile or resources of Hillary Clinton, who saw her favorable ratings soar when she became the woman who stood by her man.

Dear Lois: Last year I found evidence of an affair between my wife and her boss. I was devastated. We have three young children, and my wife is a teacher who felt that, even though we have a family, she wanted to help other people. It seems she helped the assistant principal a lot more than other kids.

I am staying with her because of the children, but now she insists that if the marriage (or so-called marriage) continues, she must be allowed to come and go with her "boyfriend," who is unmarried but wants more of her time! I feel like a male Hillary Clinton. What's your opinion?

- The Wronged Husband

Dear Wronged: Sounds to me as if you're hiring a housekeeper, not keeping a wife. Marriage is not meant to be a convenience for kids. Don't you think your children (you never mentioned their ages) know that Mom has her strongest feelings somewhere outside their four walls? I think you and your wife need some serious counseling.

Dear Lois: Nine years ago my son, daughter-in-law and 10-week-old granddaughter left my house after Christmas dinner, and I haven't seen them since. I have tried to communicate, but my cards are returned with accusations of abuse which, of course, never happened.

My granddaughter is now 9 and probably has never heard of my existence. We gave our children as much as we were able. Now they live in a million-dollar house and have nothing to do with any of us, not even his brothers.

- Broken Heart

Dear Broken: Unless you are able, by some miracle, to reach your son and explain your situation, you are powerless. There are some men who are controlled by their spouses (just as there are wives who are under the thumb of the men they marry), and parents are often ignored.