Dear Abby: This is in response to your answer to the 29-year-old woman who bought her own house, and now her mother is planning to move in with her.
Your advice to allow her mother to move in while she's going through rough times with the girl's father is only going to cause the daughter more grief when it comes time for her to move her mother out.The problems of the parents are not the daughter's to assume, and once her mother has settled in, it will be impossible to get her out - especially once she has her daughter to take care of her.
I recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. I could easily have gone back to my parents' or sister's home. Friends also offered their homes, but I decided to stand on my own two feet - as that girl's mother must also do. She can find an apartment and be moved in a day. They will then have their own space, and the parents may work through their problems.
The mother should not be allowed to burden her daughter.
- Judy in Rochester Hills, Mich.
Dear Judy: I was shocked at the vehement disagreement that my answer generated. I had thought my advice was compassionate and a good compromise. Read on for a letter from a reader who concurs with my advice:
Dear Abby: The letter from the 29-year-old who is reluctant to allow her mother to live with her made me want to scream, because of the all-too-common attitude shown in the letter. This young woman is a self-centered person who is used to getting her own way. She is lucky that her parents allowed her to stay in their home so long. She's delighted finally to be on her own at 29, but she should have been on her own long before now rather than living off her parents. However, her parents are to blame as well, for allowing this behavior.
I know this is very common, and we often blame the economy for children continuing to live with their parents at later ages; however, we should see this for what it really is - avoiding responsibility. This young woman probably bought her own home with the money she saved by living with her parents.
Abby, she should not let her mother live with her forever, but a temporary place to stay is the least she could do to show her appreciation.
- Seeing it Clearly at 30,
Dear Seeing it Clearly: I couldn't agree more. There is much truth in your conclusions. Thank you for speaking out.
Dear Abby: I buy all sorts of fancy pins to wear on my suits and blouses. I am uncertain which side I should wear them on. Since I am right-handed, I automatically put them on the left side.
When I get to my job, a co-worker always changes my pin because she says I'm wearing it on the wrong side. Please help.
- Right or Wrong in Cincinnati?
Dear Right or Wrong: I also wear my pins on the left side, and have observed that most women do so as well. I think your co-worker has a lot of nerve. Tell her that you have it on good authority that the left side is the right side.
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1997 Universal Press Syndicate
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