Somehow it's so unfair.

One day you are officially fine; the next day you are officially fat, and all because the government changed the rules - in the middle of the game.Under new guidelines, 29 million Americans who are solidly built - OK, so they could afford to lose a few pounds - will be reclassified as fat. A person 5-foot-5 and weighing 150 pounds now is fat; so is someone 6-foot and 184 pounds. The threshold for fathood is now 25 on the dreaded Body Mass Index instead of the old 27 for women, 28 for men.

Federal officials say the guidelines will bring the United States in line with the scrawny standards used by the rest of the world. Lest we forget: Our immigrant ancestors came to this country not only to breathe free but to get enough to eat. We honor them by eating three squares.

Now, it's as if our government were Henny Youngman and we were the punchline of one of his jokes: "Doctor says, `You're fat.' Patient says, `I want a second opinion.' Doctor says, `OK, you're ugly, too.'