Let's see. On Wednesday, the big-screen remake of "Godzilla" - which is expected to be one of the summer's big blockbusters - will be released nationwide.

Tonight (7 p.m., Ch. 13), Fox airs the slapped-together monster movie "Gargantua."Coincidence? I think not.

"Gargantua" is a teleflick about a loving family - a loving family of big, mean monsters. It's also gigantically goofy, stupendously stupid and entirely empty of entertainment value. It isn't even campy enough to be funny.

The story finds Jack, a widowed marine biologist (Adam Baldwin), and his surly son, Brandon (Emile Hirsch), on a seismically unstable island. And something seems to be killing people.

We soon learn that discarded chemicals have created a family of mutant monsters. There's baby monster, big brother monster, mommy monster and, finally, daddy monster. They run around stomping on people and eating them while they try to bring their family back together.

This is complicated by various cartoon bad guys hatching their own silly plots.

But the good guys are dumber than the bad guys. Jack worries about the misunderstood monsters, and Brandon has befriended baby monster. (Shades of "Son of God-zilla.")

Not to give anything away, but just when you think "Gargantua" can't possibly get any more ridiculous, Brandon pauses - while drown-ing - to pet baby monster.

This the sort of movie in which nobody mourns the death of the humans but they shed tears when they take down one of the giant amphibians. The sort of movie in which the monsters are more realistic than the humans.

It's a complete waste of two hours of your life.