John Blanchard says he is sickened by the words he spoke in the hours after he killed his ex-wife.

They were spiteful. They were hateful. They were "disgusting babble," and above all they were lies, Blanchard testified Wednesday at his capital murder trial.His comments in the early morning hours of Sept. 19, 1995, outraged most everyone who heard them. His words may also lead to a criminal conviction.

"She is the meanest mark of the beast I've ever met. . . . There are probably 200 people in Park City who wonder why I didn't do it before," Blanchard told police after his arrest.

Prosecutors said Blanchard slashed the tires on his ex-wife's truck that night, then broke into her home, crept up the stairs and raped her before strangling her with his hands.

A medical examiner testified Patricia Ann Blanchard was choked so forcefully that a bone deep in her neck snapped in two. The struggle with her former husband lasted 20 minutes, police said.

"I couldn't get her to (expletive deleted) die. I was on her like stink on s---. I'd let go and she'd still be (expletive deleted) wiggling," Blanchard said in his confession to detectives.

He reflected on his statements Wednesday, crying at times from the witness stand.

"I felt like I could just exhale and die. I'm telling you, my life as I've known it is over. Maybe it would have been easier for all the survivors if they could have said goodbye to all of this that night, including me," he said.

Blanchard said his 16-year relationship with Patricia Blanchard was one of love and hate and that he carried a lot of rage with him during those years.

On the night police questioned him, "I just puked it (the rage) all out that night, and I'm sorry for it. I know it makes it almost impossible for people to heal."

While Blanchard was self-deprecating from the stand, he was also adamant about certain facts surrounding the killing.

Patricia died quickly, much faster than his statement to police indicated, he testified. He said he was invited into the house and was also provoked when his ex-wife slammed a lamp over his head during sexual activity - activity that she invited.Prosecutor Terry Christiansen questioned Blanchard's truthfulness during cross-examination.

"Would you lie to get out of trouble?" Christiansen asked.

"No," Blanchard responded.

"You lied then (during the police interview) or you lied in your testimony today?"

"One of them had to be a lie," he said.

The distinction is important. A jury can't find Blanchard guilty of capital murder if prosecutors don't prove that he committed rape or burglary during the slaying.

Defense attorney Jerry Mooney contends his client was acting under extreme emotional distress at the time and therefore shouldn't be convicted of the capital charge.

If anything, Blanchard is guilty of manslaughter, which carries a possible sentence of one to 15 years in prison, Mooney said.

The six-man, six-woman jury is expected to begin deliberations Wednesday evening.