Today, another set of quick "Letters from the editor."

Since I've started doing these, all my correspondence is caught up and I've saved a grundle on postage. Friends, neighbors, come November keep an eye on this space for your Christmas cards:Dear Mr. Pons and Mr. Fleischmann;

Just a note to offer some support on this fusion deal. Millions of people are behind you. Remember the establishment also belittled Galileo and cursed Copernicus. You'll do fine. My advice is: Under no circumstances utter the phrase, "Well, it was doing it just before you got here."

If fusion doesn't pan out, there are other discoveries to be made. Given your names, for instance, you might consider inventing cold cream that tastes like butter.

Sincerely,

Jerry Johnston

To the president of Mexico:

Dear Mr. President;

I have been reading that the Louisiana Cajuns are sick and tired of people everywhere throwing spice on any old food and calling it "Cajun style." They have now filed a court order asking that anything labeled "Cajun" come from Louisiana or be licensed by real Cajuns.

Why not do the same with Mexican food? I figure if you pick up a penny in royalties every time the words "taco," "burrito" and "tortilla" are used, your national debt will shrivel up like a slug sprinkled with salt.

Just a thought.

Sincerely,

Geraldo "El Guapo" Johnston

To Leonard Arrington:

Dear Mr. Arrington;

Since you are one of the most respected LDS and Christian historians I know, I'm writing you about a dilemma that's troubled me since my youth.

In the Bible, on Christmas Eve, we learn that a star appeared in the East. Later we learn that Wise Men came out of the East to Bethlehem after seeing the star.

Does this mean they saw the star shining in the East and decided to head west? And does that make them even wiser than we imagined, or not quite as swift as we hoped?

Sincerely,

Jerry the Sad, you see.

Dear Abby;

I have never written you before. And probably never will again.

It's just I have no one else to turn to.

Abby, one of my favorite people is Kenneth Brewer, my former professor at Utah State University. My problem is this: I know students should give apples to their teachers, but an apple a day does keep the doctor away. And Ken is a Ph.D.

If I give him an apple or two, does that mean he'll start avoiding me?

Sincerely,

Model Student Jerry Johnston