DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a man (my husband) who, in my presence, informs his 16-year-old son from a previous marriage that although certain body parts of mine have deteriorated and become less attractive due to childbirth and aging, he would still (not unlike a martyr) rather have sex with me than a younger, firmer woman with whom he would run the risk of contracting AIDS?

The message I received was that I was no longer attractive to him, and that he just "puts up with me." Since then, I don't enjoy sex with him as much as I used to. Also, I feel that my privacy has been invaded.My husband's defense was that he was just being "honest and open" in trying to set an example for his son to be a faithful husband when he marries.

Am I too sensitive? - FEELING BELITTLED

DEAR BELITTLED: Too sensitive? Certainly not. Your husband's lack of respect for your privacy, plus his boorishness and cruelty (however inadvertent), are appalling.

All attempts to educate this incredibly ignorant man may be useless, but do let him know that his references to your sex life and deteriorating body parts are gross and demeaning, so he'd better find another way to stress the importance of fidelity in marriage to reduce the risk of contracting AIDS, or any other sexually transmitted disease.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adopted child and know how you champion the causes of this group of people. My adoptive mother's family can be traced directly back from Ohio to the founding of Hartford and Saybrook, Conn., in the 1640s, and then back to England and William the Conqueror, and before that time to Normandy. They were prominent in the American Revolution.

When my mother died, she left two "Spinning Wheel" pins from an all-female historical society for her two granddaughters. However, when I approached the group for membership for the granddaughters, I was told that they were excluded since I was an adopted child. It seems that you can adopt the name, but not the heritage that goes with it. Mother was the last of her line. Can you help? - ZANESVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ZANESVILLE: Help? If you mean help your daughters to gain membership in a society that would discriminate between birth children and adopted children, I would urge you to consider adopting the attitude of the late Groucho Marx, who facetiously said, "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me."

C) 1988 Universal Press Syndicate