If nothing else, "Stone Cold" may go down in film history as the only movie where an entire bench full of state Supreme Court justices is gunned down.
That happens toward the end of the film as a gang of sadistic biker Nazis break into the courtroom to free their imprisoned leader, whose case has been appealed to the high court of Mississippi. The justices make the mistake of overturning his life sentence and condemning him to death.But before that climactic bit of over-the-top mayhem, ex-football player Brian Bosworth, a boorish clown on the field and even more boorish and clownish in his movie debut, makes his bid for musclebound stardom, joining Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Jean Claude Van Damme, et al., in the low-budget, sleazebag action-thriller movie sweepstakes.
How bad is Bosworth? He makes Seagal look like Marlon Brando.
Speaking of Brando, "Stone Cold" may make you wish "The Wild One" had never been made, since that granddaddy of all biker movies must take at least some responsibility for the many silly ripoffs that have followed over the years.
But "Stone Cold" is the bottom of the barrel, with Bosworth as an Alabama cop, complete with long, long hair, a dangling earring that somehow stays in during the most vicious fighting and biceps that resemble, appropriately enough, foot-balls. Oh yes, he also has a huge pet lizard.
Bosworth bullies, sneers and bashes his way into the heart of the vicious motorcycle gang's leader (played by Lance Henriksen, who seems to be slumming here). But he doesn't fool the No. 1 henchman (William Forsythe, the drugged-out killer in Seagal's "Out for Justice").
Meanwhile, director Craig R. Baxley, who also gave us "I Come in Peace," with Dolph Lundgren (oh, yeah, I forgot about him), subscribes to the view that the hero should never merely hit someone when he can instead throw him across the room, or perhaps shoot him 10,000 times with an automatic weapon. So, he cranks up the gore and the body count, pausing occasionally to salaciously film naked women who have no purpose in the film other than to titillate.
Unfortunately, it probably doesn't matter what critics have to say about junk like "Stone Cold," since mindless action films seem to have a built-in audience that will pay to see anything.
"Stone Cold" is rated R for a tremendous amount of violence, nudity and profanity.