Your local television editor is cranky today. (A combination of too little sleep and too many bad TV movies.) So he'll take this opportunity to vent his frustrations about a few annoying aspects of TV.
DUMB MOVE: OK, so Sunday's Jazz game started at 6 p.m. on Ch. 13. But why in the world would KSTU bump "True Colors" and "Parker Lewis" back to 5 p.m. and "Star Trek: The Next Generation" back to 4 p.m.? Why not leave "Star Trek" alone and move the other two to 4 p.m., especially because the scheduling of the Jazz game came too late to change any listings?Your television editor and lots of other Trekkers weren't pleased that they missed "Trek." Good thing it's on again Saturday at 6 p.m.
STOP IT: While I'm whining at Ch. 13, would you people stop running those annoying crawls across the bottom of the screen during programs? I'm talking about those contest promos of yours.
Not only are they distracting, but anyone taping "Robin Hood" on Monday must just be thrilled to have that trashy thing included.
EMBARRASSING: Whose idea was this ridiculous KSL promo for Doug Miller's Spring Break series? You know, the one featuring sportscaster Miller singing, pretending to play the saxophone and generally acting foolish?
The only word to describe it is embarrassing.
Doug Miller trying to be Dave Fox is a gross miscalculation. And at least in Fox's music-video type promo, he's not actually doing anything silly himself.
He saves that stuff for the Sports Den.
TV BIRTHS: Perhaps I'm particularly sensitive these days, but television births lately have been stupid, stupider and stupidest.
On "Life Goes On," Libby delivered a child with a full head of hair - lots and lots of hair. A few moments later, the entire family was cuddling a bald, bald, bald baby. (Maybe it's a takeoff on "Switched At Birth.")
On "Evening Shade," Ava's delivery was treated as a tragedy because - horrors! - she had to have a Caesarean section. The entire town turned out to sing "Amazing Grace." (Personally, I talked to and joked with my wife during her second Caesarean a few weeks ago.)
And on "Amen" - perhaps the stupidest show on network television - Thelma has three or four labor pains and announces it's already too late to make it to the hospital. She gives birth moments later - not a hair out of place - then joins with the rest of the cast as they break into song.
WHY BOTHER? Can you believe that "Saturday Night Live" had Delta Burke as its guest host this past Saturday and made absolutely no mention of the actress' ongoing dispute with her "Designing Women" producers? Or of her marriage to "Major Dad" himself, Gerald McRaney?
What a waste of time.
And, speaking of Burke, who does her eye makeup? Tammy Faye Bakker?
- TONIGHT ON THE TUBE: To celebrate Joseph Cotten's 86th birthday, AMC airs three of his best films: The Magnificent Ambersons (5 p.m., 10 p.m.); Shadow of a Doubt - not to be confused with the inferior, recent TV version - (6:30 p.m., 11:30 p.m.); and Walk Softly Stranger (8:30 p.m.).
Elsewhere, The Wonder Years (7 p.m., Ch. 4) uses clips from the past three seasons to recount Kevin's junior high years; Leonard Nimoy hosts Haunted Lives: True Ghost Stories (7 p.m., Ch. 5); Red Wind (7 p.m., USA) is a made-for-cable premiere about a psychiatrist (Lisa Hartman) whose husband is murdered by a patient; The Story Behind the Story (8 p.m., Ch. 2) is another infotainment special from NBC; Fuhrer: Seduction of a Nation (8 p.m., Ch. 7) is an interesting look at Hitler; KBYU airs I Remember Mama (8 p.m., Ch. 11); and Sam finds himself selling bomb shelters during the Cuban Missile Crisis on Quantum Leap (9 p.m., Ch. 2).
- LOOKING TOWARD THURSDAY: Miracles and Other Mysteries (8 p.m., Ch. 4) is an ABC special about wonderful coincidences; Phylicia Rashad and Dyan Cannon star in the incredibly bad made-for-TV movie Jailbirds (8 p.m., Ch. 5); L.A. Law (9 p.m., Ch. 2) ends the season with lots of interesting developments; and there's Part 1 of the two-part "The Infernal Serpent" on Mystery! (9 p.m., Ch. 7).
- NBA PLAYOFFS: There's just one game tonight, and it's Pistons at Celtics (6 p.m., TNT). No games are scheduled for Thursday.