"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard Air Sununu, the special airline for that special traveler. I'm Charlene, and on behalf of myself, Kevin in midcabin and Loretta in the rear, we're glad you've chosen Air Sununu for your travel needs today.
"If you'll check your tickets for just a moment, this is Flight 101, bound from Washington, D.C., to anyplace you'd like to go. Just let us know - we're here to serve you."Air Sununu is designed with you in mind, so while you settle back in your seats, let me point out a few of the features that make Air Sununu `the airline with a difference.'
"Each of our Air Sununu aircraft is an Air Force C-20 executive jet, guaranteeing you the very best in comfort and convenience. No long lines at the terminal, no slow-moving bodies clogging up the jetway, no three-across seating. Of course not: You're the only ones on board!
"Our five-member crew is highly trained and ready to cater to your every whim. It's the kind of treatment you expect in your own office - now you can get it when you travel, too. At Air Sununu, we think you're just as important at 30,000 feet as you are on the ground.
"And that's why, for instance, each of our Air Sununu aircraft is equipped with facilities for secure voice contact with the White House. When you're a top executive, you never know when you might have to leap into action. Why carry portable equipment onto those other planes when we can give you top-of-the-line built-ins? You're vital - and we treat you that way.
"Some other important features you'll want to know about: All of our emergency doors are equipped with inflatable slides in case you have to make a rapid exit. And in the unlikely event of a sudden loss of cabin prestige, inflatable egos will drop automatically from panels directly above you. Simply strap one around your nose and mouth and breathe deeply. You'll feel like yourself again in no time.
"Once we're airborne and the captain has turned off the seat-belt sign, feel free to move about the cabin. Check out the other seats if you'd like - they're all empty. Or strap on your skis and schussboom down the aisle just for the fun of it.
"Speaking of skiing: If you're not already a member of Air Sununu's `Take a Powder' plan, you'll certainly want to fill out the application in our in-flight magazine located in the seat pocket in front of you. You'll find all sorts of exciting possibilities there, including `speak-and-ski' weekends in Aspen and Vail, and even up in New Hampshire.
"Book yourself a little speech at a snowy location, and spend the rest of the time out on the slopes. Or visit your parents in Florida, or your dentist in Boston - it's all the same to us. If you're ready to go, Air Sununu is ready to take you.
"And here's the best part: our low, low fares. It may cost the government almost $4,000 an hour to zip you from place to place on Air Sununu (and that doesn't even include the cost of the crew), but it will barely cost you a fraction of that. Just pay us what those other airlines would charge you for a coach ticket, plus one dollar.
"That's right: Just one dollar more than coach gets you your own Air Sununu jet and all our Air Sununu extras! And if you play your cards right and do something that looks like official business, you can probably even get the White House or the Republican Party to pick up the tab. It's the best bargain in the air.
"So sit back and relax. And thanks again for flying Air Sununu - you know you're worth it."