WHY IS IT THAT . . .
. . . Mr. Mac never actually wears a suit - either in his stores or on TV? Could it be that he is like Rick Majerus and doesn't even own one?. . . No one can figure out whether Stormin' Norman is a Democrat or a Republican? Has anyone ever asked him?
. . . It never snows after you buy a snowblower - until April?
. . . No one realizes how ridiculous it is to assume that anyone - especially Frank Sinatra - could enter the White House unnoticed through the back door? Is there in fact a back door to the White House?
. . . That Gorbachev can generate an amazing amount of charisma and popularity everywhere except the Soviet Union?
. . . I always jump through the ceiling every time I hear the TV commercial for "Tuff Shed"?
. . . Almost everyone who goes to Jazz games is far more interested in ingesting great varieties of food and beverages in 15-minute intervals than in watching the game?
. . . So many women who go to Jazz games wear insanely high heels and short skirts when it is terribly inconvenient and there is no possible good reason to do so?
. . . There are so many lanes on Salt Lake freeways that disappear without warning, the most annoying of which is the very middle one just after entering from the 600 South on-ramp? There is always a huge truck heading for the same lane at exactly the same second as you are!
. . . If you ever feel like just staying home on a Friday night and watching a movie, there isn't a single one that is even slightly interesting available at the video store?
. . . If you ever decide to go to bed early there will always be a telephone call that wakes you up and then you can't go back to sleep - ever?
. . . No grocery store seems to carry any more the best tissue ever invented - man-size Kleenex?
. . . Bagel crisp, the best junk food I've ever tasted, is also amazingly hard to get?
. . . No matter how many times a week you do the laundry there is always a super-human load to do? Is clothing like money - you wear as much as there is available all the time?
. . . Whenever you send clothing to the cleaners, it is too expensive and then the spots remain?
. . . No matter how careful you are in reading all the washing instructions on every article of clothing, about every three weeks you will ruin somebody's favorite shirt?
. . . Whenever you ask a politician a question you can never get a direct answer, and whenever a politician says he is probably not going to run that it really means that he probably is?
. . . Whatever varied techniques I use at exactly 7:13 a.m., I just can't get through to KSL Radio's contest line?
. . . There are still an amazing number of unconscious men around who persist in referring to grown women as "girls?"
. . . There are still an amazing number of unconscious women around who persist in referring to themselves or their friends as "gals"?
. . . No one has yet done a shocking expose on the amazing private life of Geraldo Rivera?
. . . The ACLU doesn't get a director who has an irresistible, warm personality and the tact that makes it possible to accomplish all sorts of interesting things on behalf of people whose civil liberties have been violated?
. . . We can't seem to get any sort of reasonable handle on the claims and counter-claims of cold fusion?
. . . HMOs (health maintenance organizations) are so successful and popular in other states but pretty much a dirty word in Utah?
. . . Whenever the airlines cut their prices their regulations and exceptions are so complicated that they take a full newspaper page in small print to explain?
. . . The National Arbor Day Foundation sends so many mass mailings offering free Colorado Blue Spruces in its efforts to conserve trees that it must take an incredible number of trees to support their mailing effort alone?
OK, so maybe I don't own a suit either - but I don't advertise suits!