If you're like me and chances are very good that you are - you just can't get enough catalogs! No matter how many mailing lists you accidentally get on and no matter how many strange and interesting catalogs fill up your mailbox every day, you still hear this weird and unrelenting whispering in your ear: "HOW DO I GET MORE CATALOGS?"
Well, I have the answer for you! You order the catalog of catalogs - called "The World's Best Catalogs" - and Michelle will take care of it for you at 144 S. First St., Burbank, CA 91502.Actually, I've discovered that this is my last chance to take advantage of this program. There is a band that runs across the bottom of my copy that says, "This will be the last issue you'll receive unless you request some of the super catalogs inside. Due to rising costs we can only send this book to people who are really interested in shopping catalogs to save time and money."
Because that frightened me, I perused this issue very carefully to be sure that I was not letting even one of these super catalogs that could so easily be mine slip from my grasp.
There is an amazing array of catalogs covering lovely lingerie, fabulous fashions, creative gifts, music and videos, home decorating, sizzling swimwear, luxurious linens, craft kits - you know what I mean. There are 44 pages with several catalogs described on each page.
Who could ask for anything more?
As I browsed I found a fashion catalog for furry felines and wondered if any of them would improve our own cat's purr-sonality. There was a 3 Stooges catalog including 250 fun-filled "3 Stooges" products - T-shirts, posters, clocks, videos and more!
Most men, I understand, are delighted with the "3 Stooges."
There are rubber art stamps with a touch of class - handcrafted raised designs in glistening colors or shimmering gold or silver. There are Bundy Classic Decoys in the finest wood, the finest men's furnishings by Paul Frederick Shirt Company, including buttondowns, straight collars, tab collars, button or French cuffs and more.
Anyone with this catalog would never have to darken the doors of a men's store again.
There are the legends of folk, blues, bluegrass and jazz. You can even listen to a sample of the music with your telephone before you buy. You can discover the treasures of the world by ordering exquisite replicas of ancient museum masterpieces.
If you order a catalog of industrial and military surplus, you can save on tools, tape, mag-nets, motors, bottles, blowers, lasers, lenses, switches, speakers, books, buzzers and thousands of other surplus novelties. Or you can have your wardrobe needs met with the energy and style of New York at very affordable prices.
If you're one of those people who have always wished that time stopped 50 years ago, you'll want to send for the Cumberland General Store catalog. Or maybe you want charming and functional clothes for your little ones at fantastic wholesale prices.
But the one I've got my eye on is the Script City catalog where I can get original screenplays from vintage classics and a whole bunch of memorabilia like "Married With Children" or "L.A. Law" T-shirts.
Then there's the Rediscover Music Catalog if you're longing for those treasured sounds of bygone years - like the '60s. You can also get Great Moments in Aviation History, Thanksgiving Coffees, Country Curtains, Satellite Sounds or Scenes From America's Past.
Cuddledown of Maine makes the finest down comforters and pillows in the country - and Ujena Swimwear has the hottest swimwear fashions of the '90s. If you're interested in a historic estate, you can go for United National Real Estate.
There are also sexy shoes, underfashions for men, stained glass, aquarium supplies, humorous gifts and gags, military history, Frederick's of Hollywood and Jazzertogs.
And because I haven't even touched the surface of this catalog of catalogs, I'm becoming very confused and have no idea which one to order. So I guess I'll just tear it up and head for the mall.