DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Jenny," is 20 years old. Her boyfriend is 17. They have been together almost a year. She says she's "in love" with him, and they started sleeping together last year.

A few months ago, he forced Jenny to have sex with him against her will. She told him it was rape. He said it was a misunderstanding. He apologized, and she took him back.A couple of months later they had a big fight, and afterward he slept with another girl. He admitted he did it to make her mad, and she forgave him. They're still together!

Abby, I'm confused. I'm 19 years old, and I thought people who loved each other were good to each other. I'm worried about my sister, but if I tell our mother, Jenny will never forgive me.

How can I get her to see this guy is no good? Jenny thinks that if you love someone, you forgive him unconditionally. Please don't publish my name or my city. If Jenny knew I was writing, she'd be furious - but I don't know where to turn. - CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: You appear to be far more mature than your older sister. The principle of unconditional forgiveness is admirable, provided neither party uses it to take advantage of the other. Such is not the case with Jenny and her boyfriend.

If Jenny is looking for a lasting romance, she will have to find someone more mature than a kid who takes what he wants, has no respect for women and is spiteful to boot. Tell your sister that unless she is very, very careful, she could wind up with a pregnancy, a sexually transmitted disease or both. And her boyfriend is neither mature nor caring enough to accept responsibility for either.


A winner says, "Let's find out"; a loser says, "Nobody knows."

A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.

A winner says, "I'm good, but not as good as I ought to be"; a loser says, "I'm not as bad as a lot of other people."

A winner credits his "good luck" for winning - even though it wasn't his good luck; a loser blames his "bad luck" for losing - even though it wasn't his bad luck.

A winner listens; a loser just waits until it's his turn to talk.

A winner respects those who are superior to him and tries to learn from them; a loser resents the superiority of others and tries to find chinks in their armor.

A winner does more than his job; a loser says, "I only work here."

A winner says, "I fell"; a loser says, "Somebody pushed me."

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)