Thirty-six things you're guaranteed to hear at the 1991 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament:

1. I'll tell ya what, Dick, we're just happy to be here.2. $4 for a hot dog? Who kidnapped Oscar Meyer?

3. You know as well as I do, Bob, that anything can happen in a tournament like this.

4. Our transition game won it for us.

5. Psssst. Wanna buy a watch?

6. Look at that guy over there with the stupid looking hat on. Wait a second. Isn't that Jerry Glanville?

7. Where is Wisconsin-Green Bay?

8. Hey, down in front and watch your mouths. You guys from Brigham Young are always causing trouble.

9. If we can control the boards we have a chance, Chris.

10. Hey Louie, I got two tickets to the Southeast opener in Atlanta. Know where I can swap them for two tickets to the Midwest semis in Dayton? I'll toss in a 'Go Rebs' button and a Caesar's Palace napkin autographed by Wayne Newton.

11. Ever notice how UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian always looks like a school bus just ran over his dog?

12. Where is this St. Peters, what are they called and how did they find their way here?

13. First tournament I can remember with 63 dark horses and an NBA franchise.

14. What's UCLA doing in the East, why is Virginia in the West, who put Connecticut in the Midwest and since when is Arizona State in the Southeast?

15. If we can get by Coastal Carolina, Tom, I think we have a legitimate shot at going all the way to the Final Four.

16. Hey, sweetie. Yeah, you in the Georgia Bulldogs sweatshirt and tight jeans. What are ya doin' after the game? Wanna go to Indianapolis?

17. They're going to have to stop our outside game, Bill. If we can't score from the perimeter, we're going to have to count on our big men inside. If they shut that down, we're in deep trouble.

18. I'm proud of these guys. They played their hearts out. It was a great tournament and we plan on being back here next year.

19. Isn't that Dick Vitale over there in the plaid pants with the Curly-Joe wig on?

20. Towson who?

21. If we play up to our potential, we'll be tough to beat.

22. OK. I'll take UNLV and give you 64 points and Montana.

23. What's a Hoya?

24. (In Atlanta) Excuse me sir, could you tell me where everything burned?

25. (In Dayton) Isn't this where they filmed WKRP?

26. (In Indianapolis) So, this is where they hold that 500-mile race. Don't they make tires here?

27. (In Seattle) Did they ever get a major-league franchise here?

28. (In Pontiac) What a strange coincidence. I used to own a Pontiac.

29. The only way UNLV will be in trouble is if Portland subs for Pepperdine.

30. Hey, you guys in Air Jordans, the gold tights, Digger Phelps T-shirts and basketballs over your heads. Notre Dame did not make it into the tournament this season. Don't you guys ever read the papers?

31. Vegas will be a real test for us, but our team has a lot of talent and will be there right to the final buzzer. We may even surprise a few people. We've got a lot of pride at St. Francis.

32. Hey, isn't that Rick Pitino in the broadcast booth?

33. If we can outscore them, we'll have a good chance of winning.

34. UNLV puts its pants on one leg at a time. Just like the rest of us. But they'll take a 10-point lead while you're tying your shoes.

35. If we don't have to play UNLV, we have a good chance of winning this thing.

36. We're only six games away from taking home the national championship.