Did you know that there's a publication titled Satellite TV Week for people who have their own satellite dishes in the back yard?

And did you know that they present annual awards (called "Dishies") - based on subscriber balloting - to the best, worst and weirdest on the air?Neither did I, but here are the winners - and losers - nonetheless:

- Roseanne Barr was named "Most Obnoxious Kid on TV."

- "Cheers" was named best comedy.

- "L.A. Law"' was named best drama.

- "America's Funniest Home Videos" was named best new show.

- CNN was named favorite news source.

- Cybill Shepherd and her "I'm worth it" hair coloring advertisements were named worst TV commercial.

- Connie Chung won the "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful award" for her interview with Marlon Brando. (Editors speculated it was because anyone looks good next to Marlon Brando.)

- Dennis the Menace won in the "Best Hairdo" category, narrowly beating out Marge Simpson.

- The Dishie for "Favorite TV Argument" went to Andy Rooney vs. CBS, with Ted Koppell vs. Anybody the runner-up.

- "Newhart" walked off with the award for "Favorite Farewell Show."

But before you take any of this seriously (like you were taking any of this seriously), subscribers chose the hard-core adult film channel American Exxxtasy, which was forced off the air last year, as the runner-up in that category.

ROSIE DILEMA: Oh, Mr. Spud is in the midst of a dilema. Should he write something else about Roseanne Barr or not?

Should he comment on hubbie Tom Arnold's recent announcement that Rosie will change her professional name to Roseanne Arnold "as a tribute to her loving husband," or should he just quietly throw up? Should he note that it's somewhat odd that the announcement came from Mr. Arnold, not Mrs. Arnold?

Should he quickly agree with Arnold's statement that he and Roseanne are "white trash with money, and it's scary to society," or should he just go home and put a dead bolt on the front door?

Should he comment on Barr's self-indulgent HBO special? Should he express revulsion at the phone-in session that followed?

Nah . . . he's just too darn sick of Roseanne to bother.

WHAT A CONCEPT: Mr. Spud made an amazing discovery last week: There are people out there who actually pay attention to the stuff he writes on these pages.

Who would have thought?

WHICH KIM?: Question for KTVX anchorman Jon DuPre: Have you decided which Kim (Perkins or Johnson) you like better yet? Let us know.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Pittsburgh Press television editor Robert Bianco, referring to Tom Arnold doing the opening act for Roseanne Barr's HBO special: "Love may be blind, but it still should be able to