Sure, anybody can do a year-in-review piece, pick his top 10 stories of the past year, or use hindsight to tell you what already has happened.
But it takes even more talent to predict the headlines of the coming 12 months.At first glance, some of these may seem a little silly. But think back - what would you have said at this time last year if someone had told you that a Democrat would win Utah's Republican-rich 3rd Congressional District, that a BYU quarterback would win the Heisman Trophy, that a man named Saddam would draw hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops to the Middle East or that Donald Trump would flirt with bankruptcy?
Here are a few of our favorite storylines for 1991:
- Having expanded already to the northern and southern stretches of Utah County, the Utah Transit Authority announces its newest route - the Alpine/Eureka Express.
- Another local group announces plans to purchase and preserve Academy Square. Nobody seems to notice or no one will believe it until it really happens.
- In a bold marketing move, Toys `R' Us announces a new children's favorite - Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbies. Several networks battle for the rights to develop a similar Saturday morning cartoon.
- Geneva Steel is renovated into a factory that makes air fresheners.
- After suing local school districts to ban prayer at high school graduations, the ACLU pickets the school lunch programs, saying that the food served daily is unfit for human consumption. "I don't know what all the fuss is about," said one lunchroom cook. "We make school lunch the old-fashioned way - we BURN it."
- A previously unknown geologist predicts a natural disaster for the state of Utah. Underground instability at the Bonneville Salt Flats will cause the B Great Salt Lake to flood metropolitan areas.
- Since the BYU-Hawaii football game is to be played in Provo this year, the Cougars will not give up 50-plus points in the game - we think. At least BYU has no excuses about beaches, distractions, time zones and apathy.
- Seeing the recent successes and worldwide acclaim afforded a unified Germany, North and South Dakota decide to unite.
- With the Provo-Orem area being named by a national magazine as the 11th best U.S. city, Springville is named as the state's top-ranked city by another publication - the Springville Herald.
- WordPerfect teams up with Nintendo to make a new and appropriately named Game Boy cartridge - PerfectWasteOfTime. The objective of the game is to discover any long-range benefits of video games.
- Rep. Bill Orton earns the highest bidding in a rent-a-bachelor fundraiser sponsored by the Utah County Republican Party.
- The quality of Nike's "Bo Knows" commercials appears to be headed nowhere fast, thanks to the release of the latest such TV spots - Bo Knows Tractor-Pulling, Bo Knows Professional Wrestling, Bo Knows Miniature Golfing, and Bo Knows Air Hockey.
- Unsuccessful in its bid to build a major ski resort east of Provo, Seven Peaks scraps its plans for a funicular railroad up the side of the mountain in favor of a funicular waterslide down the side of the mountain.
- Utah County officials resolve two long-standing issues by closing Provo Canyon to traffic and icing down the existing highway as a makeshift Olympic skating facility. Olympic promoters are ecstatic that the icy highway can be used not only for speed skating but for the luge, bobsled and all downhill skiing events.
- Larry H. Miller admits he plans to sell the Utah Jazz and Salt Lake Golden Eagles to out-of-state buyers and that he will turn the soon-to-be constructed arena into one mega-size used-car showroom.
- Since the new Provo City Library has been deemed an inefficient facility, city officials purchase the neighboring Rocky Mountain Drive-in for expansion purposes. The restaurant-turned-annex will be used as a drive-through book drop.
- At least one of these predictions becomes reality, and Scott Taylor gets the last laugh when he is heralded by tabloids as the new Jeanne Dixon.