Most people make resolutions on the first day of the new year, and a week later have already broken them. Not me.

Why set yourself up for failure? It's not worth it. The energy you spend thinking up resolutions could be put to better use, like cleaning your bathroom floor.My wife made some resolutions. I won't tell you what they are, but she is already trembling under the strain. Others I know have made resolutions. They are crumbling like the Berlin Wall.

Do what I do. Make a list of things that you already do, and resolve to continue doing them. For example, I will continue to:

- Wash my wife's car once a month (as soon as water restrictions are lifted - heh, heh, heh).

- Eat what I feel like, when I feel like it, and when I don't like what I see in the mirror, I'll do a little dieting until I do.

- Work for a living.

- Wear a tie to work when the mood strikes me.

- Shout vile curses at idiots who cut me off on the highway.

- Eat cheeseburgers.

- Pass on wheat bran, oat bran and all kinds of fiber except broccoli.

- Think that you don't have to be handsome or beautiful as long as you are smart enough and strong enough to know what really counts.

- Believe that my wife is always right, and that she is the funny one in the family.

- Avoid the dentist at all costs.

- Find time to play.

- Believe that dogs and cats are a lot smarter than humans.

- Try to convince my wife that we should rent other people's children rather than have our own.

- Be slightly suspicious of the federal government's ability to make rational judgments about how to spend my money.

- Vote each and every time I have the opportunity.

- Pray for those who have less and make a contribution when I can.

- Look forward positively to the next year.

- Believe that there are enough people out there who care about the planet and its environment to do something before it's too late.

- Take the time to find the humor in life.

- Stop to smell the jasmine along the way.

Feel free to use any of these resolutions. There is no charge. Consider it a community service.