It's the day after Christmas and that holiday glow is fading fast. It's time to take the presents back. Some things don't fit. Some things need batteries. Some things are on sale now. Some things you just don't want. You're not alone. They're busy in the sports world, too.

- LaVell Edwards is sending back those expense-paid trips to Hawaii each December. Some gift. The last one cost him a shot at a national title. It wasn't worth the beach time.- Bill Parcells will be returning that fourth-and-nine pass against the Niners. He'd like to exchange it for a field goal.

- Larry H. Miller is returning a closet full of golf shirts. They would have fit just fine 40 pounds ago.

- The Minnesota Vikings want a no-questions-asked, full refund from the Dallas Cowboys for the Herschel Walker present. He's broken or doesn't work right or something.

- The Runnin' Utes will be runnin' right back to the store to exchange their uniforms. The boxer shorts don't fit. Do they?

- College football fans are demanding a refund on the poll system, thanks just the same. They're exchanging it for a thoroughly modern playoff system.

- Henry Marsh is returning his ridiculous drug suspension by The Athletics Congress, as well as his retirement. Neither one fits him.

- Ron McBride is returning the Ute offense to wherever he got the thing - Toys R Us?. It's broken, and he wants a full refund - or the offense Jim Fassel had.

- Boxing fans are asking for a full refund for the Buster Douglas-Evander Holyfield fight. They were hustled again.

- Buster Douglas would return a few meals and a few pounds, if he could.

- Don King wants a refund for the haircut.

- Boxing wants a refund for Don King.

- The Washington Bullets want to exchange Pervis Ellison for a cash refund - or a return of Jeff Malone. Batteries for Ellison aren't included.

- On second thought, Denver Bronco fans would like to exchange their football team for the '89 model. Second place wasn't so bad after all.

- The NFL wants a refund on quarterbacks. They keep breaking.

- Scott Mitchell wants to exchange the money for another year of NCAA eligibility. Playing and losing for Utah is better than sitting and winning for Miami.

- Tennis aficionados hope to return Andre Agassi to anonymity in exchange for something more than an image.

- John McEnroe is exchanging his personality for something of equivalent value - a gift certificate for a McDonald's Happy Meal.

- Ty Detmer is trying to return all the interceptions, COD.

- Nevada-Las Vegas wants to take back the Lloyd Daniels affair - and then do it all over again without getting caught.

- Pete Rose wants to return the trips to the track and all the denials, but not until he's out of the cooler and ready to sell a book and all 25 of the bats he used to get historic hit No. 4,192.

- The University of Miami football players - naughty, not nice - are returning their big mouths, provided someone will give them a refund.

- Western Athletic Conference rivals tried to send Shawn Bradley back to Emery, but he blocked the attempt.

Of course, not everyone is unhappy with the season's gifts. A lot of thank you notes went out in today's mail:

- Dear Mr. and Mrs. Detmer; Thanks for the kid. Got any more? Love, LaVell.- Dear Downtown Athletic Club; Thanks for the trophy. It looks swell on the freezer. - Ty Detmer.

- Dear Dr. Jones; Thanks for another year of life. What would Josh Grant and Walter Watts have done without me? - Sincerely, Rick Majerus.

- Dear Larry; Thanks for another new contract. I'm very pleased with it. This time I really mean it. I think. Well, maybe. Uh, can we talk? - Gratefully, Karl Malone.

- Dear Reader; Thanks for subscribing and for reading to the end of this column. - Happy holidays, Doug Robinson.