On the first day of Christmas my TV gave to me, a Partridge Family in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas my TV gave to me, two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle doves . . .On the third day of Christmas my TV gave to me, three French Marilu Henners . . .

On the fourth day of Christmas my TV game to me, four Lassie birds . . .

On the fifth day of Christmas my TV game to me, five Goldie Hawns . . .

On the sixth day of Christmas my TV game to me, six Flamingo Roads a-laying . . .

On the seventh day of Christmas my TV game to me, seven Men from Atlantis a-swimming . . .

On the eighth day of Christmas my TV game to me, eight Hazels a-milking . . .

On the ninth day of Christmas my TV game to me, nine Pink Ladies dancing . . .

On the 10th day of Christmas my TV game to me, 10 lords Quantum Leaping . . .

On the 11th day of Christmas my TV game to me, 11 Piper Lauries . . .

On the 12th day of Christmas my TV game to me, 12 Mr. Drummonds drumming . . . HO! HO! HO!: At the risk of endangering his reputation as a cynical, hard-hearted, dyed-in-the-wool couch potato, Mr. Spud has a startling revelation to make - he doesn't care much about television on Christmas.

Oh, he might watch a holiday movie, some cartoons with the Tater Tot or a video he's received as a gift. But TV-watching isn't high on his list of things to do.

So . . . Merry Christmas to all you couch potatoes out there and all you fine folks who work at all our fine local television stations. And remember, there are a lot of things in this world more important than TV - and what TV critics have to say about TV.