As everyone must know by now, some things are not what they appear to be. Especially these days. Why just last month Milli Vanilli, a noteless singing duo, was exposed as a hoax. Milli Vanilli, you'll remember (or do you?), won a Grammy Award for their first album, which was a neat feat for a pair of singers who, it turns out, didn't sing a single note on their record. The album was called, "Girl You know it's True." But it wasn't.
Given the Milli Vanilli scandal, Lewis Grizzard, a syndicated columnist, recently wondered if we haven't all been conned in other ways, as well. What if, for instance, Johnny Carson isn't really that funny and Ed McMahon is a master ventriloquist?, wrote Grizzard. Or what if wrestling isn't really fake? It's just a bunch of loud no-necks who don't know how to fight well?
Which reminds us, what about the world of sports. What's real and what's not? How can you be sure?
WHAT IF . . .
. . . Jerry Tarkanian really is innocent, and all his NCAA wrongs are the work of his evil twin, Elmer Fudd?
. . . Ty Detmer won the Heisman, but Joe Evans threw all those passes for him. With their helmets on, no one could tell the difference?
. . . LaVell Edwards is really a chain-smoking night-owl with a police record?
. . . Bo doesn't really know?
. . . Last Saturday's BYU-Hawaii football game was really a collective case of deja vu and never really happened the second time?
. . . Frank Layden really never said an original funny thing in his life, and Jerry Sloan gave him all his material?
. . . BYU really is recirculating the same guy over and over again at quarterback? He's 42 now.
. . . Dan Dierdorf and Frank Gifford really never say a thing on Monday Night Football. It's Al Michaels doing all three voices?
. . . Middle Age Man Nolan Ryan really can't throw a 90-mile-per-hour fastball, and it's all done with mirrors?
. . . The Nevada-Las Vegas Runnin' Rebels really are altar boys and honor students?
. . . Ultra-cool Jim McMahon and Brian Bosworth are really closet geeks?
. . . Tom Landry and Joe Paterno are into rap and listen to 2 Live Crew on the sly?
. . . College football's poll system really began as a practical joke that got carried away?
. . . Darryl Strawberry really isn't a jerk?
. . . Rosie Ruiz really is a 2:30 marathoner?
. . . Competitors in the America's Cup stop for tea as soon as they're out of sight of cameras and fans?
. . . Roger Clemens really did say "Oh, fudge?"
. . . Terry Cooney had it coming?
. . . Bobby Knight is really a gentleman who teaches an extension course in etiquette and language skills?
. . . James Worthy really dialed a wrong number?
. . . Monday Night Football is actually played on Sunday nights and replayed 24 hours later on tape delay?. . . David Robinson didn't really serve in the U.S. Navy, but spent four years hanging out in Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood?
. . . Ben Johnson really did down a spiked drink?
. . . Dale Murphy rides with a motorcycle gang during the off-season?
. . . Joe Walsh really isn't a genius after all, and the 49ers' playbook is the work of his wife?
. . . Jack Nicklaus really isn't 50 years old, but he's been forced onto the Senior Tour by PGA Tour players who tired of his winning?
. . . Rick Majerus is really a slacker and has to be awakened at noon each day - by Josh Grant?
. . . University of Oklahoma football players really do attend class?
. . . Pat Riley really buys all his suits off the rack - at K-Mart?
. . . Hockey fights are faked?
. . . Dogs are really pulling fully operating snowmobiles in the Iditarod?
. . . Pee-wee Herman is really Vitale acting like Pee-wee Herman? Well, anyway, you never know.