If I'm Milli - or even Vanilli - I'm sitting there with a big smile on my face. This is going to work out just fine.
Milli Vanilli - you've heard of Milli Vanilli, haven't you, if not before all this happened, then at least now that it has - is (are?) two young men with legs up to here and dreadlocks down to there, who over the past two years have sung and danced their way to the top of the pops. Except for the singing. It turns out they didn't do the singing. This could be a problem for a singing group, not singing. But it's all going to work out just fine.Milli Vanilli not singing was a problem for the Grammy Awards, certainly, which chose Milli Vanilli as "best new artist" of 1989; their debut album, "Girl You Know It's True," has sold multimillions worldwide. There had been complaints - rumors - all along that when it came to concerts, Milli Vanilli was (were?) only lip-syncing to prerecorded vocals.
It wasn't a big complaint; other performers, the rumors went, were faking it in concert, too. Besides, Milli Vanilli did so much jumping around on stage, how could anyone really expect them to step lively and sing live at the same time?
But now it turns out Milli Vanilli was faking it big-time: Even the prerecorded stuff wasn't theirs. It turns out, in fact, that they hadn't sung a single note on "their" album, and when they insisted on actually singing on the follow-up, the producer fired them and blew the whistle on the whole deal. This time 'round, "fab" meant "fabricated."
So they don't have their Grammy anymore, they're the subject of jokes coast to coast, and their reputations are in tatters. They're done, shot, finished - right?
Wrong. Last month, Milli Vanilli was just another funky pop sensation. This month, Milli Vanilli is a funky pop sensation with a story.
"I feel like a mosquito being squeezed," said Milli (or Vanilli) the other day. And "The last two years of our lives have been a total nightmare." And "We are true singers, but that maniac Frank Farian (the producer) would never allow us to express ourselves." You think that kind of thing won't sell on "Entertainment Tonight"?
Then how about this? "We had nothing to eat, and we were unhappy. We wanted to be stars." Barbara Walters, here we come: "So you wean and hungwy boys wewe weawwy wiving a wie, wewen't you?"
Then it's over to Oprah: "Our subject today: Men Who Move Their Lips to Music, And the Women Who Love Them."
And, of course, Donahue: "When Your Idols Let You Down - and Can Dreadlocks Put the Thrill Back in Your Love Life? Stay with us . . ."
You can see it, can't you? Sure you can. Not to mention the quickie books: "Out of Sync - The Inside Story of Milli Vanilli." And "Milli Vanilli: The Sound and The Fury."
There'll be movie offers - there've already been movie offers. No surprise there - nothing even vaguely unusual happens these days without movie offers.
And then there's the album, the one they've just promised their fans - an album made with their very own voices. You think "Garbo Talks!" did the job? Wait till you see what they do with "Milli Vanilli Sings!"