One hates to inject dark thoughts into the holiday season, but while George Bush is wackily railing against a country that is no threat to us, the Soviet Union, which is a threat to us, has been up to no good.

The shelves in Moscow may be empty but the missile silos are not. Those busy little beavers in the Kremlin have completely modernized their strategic nuclear forces, configured of course for a first strike offensive capability.They completely modernized their doomsday weapon, the 10-story tall SS-18, and redeployed it in spiffy new silos. They are deploying two mobile missiles, the SS-24 and the SS-25. They are also modernizing their strategic bomber forces with the new Bear H and Blackjack aircraft equipped with longer-range cruise missiles. And they continue to turn out Typhoon and Delta IV boomers.

Thus, even if they sign a strategic arms reduction treaty and, even more surprisingly, don't cheat on it, they will retain a first strike capability to knock out most of our land-based missiles, command and communications centers and non-alert bombers and subs.

Should they deploy a country-wide antiballistic missile system, which they seem to be firmly committed to doing, then the old United States will be up the proverbial creek with a broken paddle.

Another unpleasant thought nobody in Dreamland, also known as Washington, wishes to confront is that by developing these two new intercontinental missiles in mobile modes, there is no way to count them. Unlike missiles in fixed silos, mobile missiles can be easily hidden from satellites. We simply won't know how many they have deployed. We will only know how many they say they have deployed, and our Soviet friends, as it is now fashionable to call them, are bigger liars than fishermen.

I love bureaucratese, a language of government similar to legalese, a language of lawyers, and there is a wonderful example in the Defense Department publication, "Soviet Military Power 1990," which the Bush administration delayed less it cloud the rosy picture of the New World Order.

The quotation is this: "The Soviet violation at Krasnoyarsk, Soviet violation of the Biological Weapons Convention and Soviet failure to advise U.S. negotiators about the transfer of these INF missiles call into question Soviet good faith in negotiating arms control agreements."

Yeah, I'd say lies and deception call their good faith into question. In fact, I would go so far as to say only an idiot or an American politician would trust them.

But don't worry about it. George trusts Gorby. Congress, which has debated whether to deploy a mobile missile for 17 or so years, may get around to deciding the matter by the year 2000. Those geniuses charged by the Constitution with providing for the common defense have decided the Soviet Union is no longer a threat, and that we really don't need an ABM system, a strategic bomber or very many new submarines.

I just wish they'd go to Moscow and learn a little from our Soviet friends on how to handle a federal budget. We seem to be broke, but the Soviets, who claim to be broke, still manage to spend 15 to 25 percent of their GNP on military arms and turn out lots of first-class weapons. Somehow they manage to have lots of new mobile missiles and lots of new subs and lots of new bombers while Congress thinks we can get by with about 5 B-2s.

In the meantime, our fearless leader, King George, will make the world safe for British Petroleum and Exxon and Mobil and Kuwaiti emirs, if not for Americans.