DEAR ABBY: How does a bride disinvite someone from being in her wedding party? When I announced my engagement four months ago, I asked five of my best friends to be bridesmaids. They all accepted. I just found out that one of my bridesmaids has been seeing a married man for the last eight months! She has mentioned this man's name, but she neglected to say that he's married.

Abby, I've never approved of this type of behavior. I've always felt that if people are dissatisfied or unhappy in a marriage, they should either try to improve it or end it. Now I can't even look at this girl in the same way I did before I found all of this out. Furthermore, I feel that it would be a slap in the face to the institution of marriage to have her as my bridesmaid.My mom says I'm stuck with her. The other bridesmaids say, "Replace her!" My fiance says I should explain my feelings about the sacredness of marriage and tell her that under the circumstances I prefer that she attend my wedding as a guest - but not a bridesmaid. What do you think? - ON THE FENCE

DEAR ON: Get off the fence - on your fiance's side. Also, give her a chance to deny or confirm what you "found out." If it's true, when you "disinvite" her, offer to reimburse her for any expense she may have incurred on your behalf - unless her bridesmaid's gown and shoes can be worn by her replacement or returned. I wish you well.

DEAR ABBY: Concerning the 53-year-old man whose wife would not give him a divorce so he could marry his 22-year-old girlfriend, please pass this on to your readership and put to rest one of the oldest lines in history: "My wife won't give me a divorce."

A man is not a child asking his mother for permission to do something. If he wants a divorce, all he has to do is go to a lawyer who will file the necessary papers with the court.

A summons is then served to the spouse. All he or she can do is admit or deny the charges in the complaint. The case is then heard by a judge who will decide - if it has not already been decided - who gets what. End result: divorce. - DIVORCED IN MISSOURI

DEAR DIVORCED: This may be true in the "Show Me" state, but divorce laws differ from state to state. One seeking a divorce should consult a lawyer who practices law in the state in which he or she resides.

DEAR ABBY: My 37-year-old daughter is getting married in the spring. She has been living and working in Boston for the last 15 years. She graduated from Harvard and has a good income.

My question is, how much of the wedding expenses do I have to pay? Or what is expected of me?

I am a widow living on a fixed income and Social Security. - FIXED INCOME

DEAR FIXED INCOME: Ask your daughter what kind of wedding she is planning and what she "expects" from you.

An offspring who left the nest 15 years ago would have to be cuckoo to expect her widowed mother who lives on a fixed income to finance her wedding.

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