The publisher of Outlaw Biker magazine wants Joan Rivers to eat his dust. The current issue of the mag features an article criticizing the talk show host because of the way she allegedly mistreated a group of biker chicks on her show. O.B. publisher Casey Exton tells EAVESDROPPING that he was approached by the Rivers show and asked to round up four scantily clad biker babes. The producers, says Exton, promised a "big feature segment" and told him they'd show his magazine on the air for his trouble. After he spent "hundreds of dollars" of his own dough to get the women to New York, Exton says, they got only eight minutes of airtime and the mag wasn't plugged. "It was really bullbleep," he says. "I used to be a real fan of hers." A spokesman for Rivers replied, "Bob Hope got eight minutes and he didn't complain."

BROOKE: TRANSFORMED - Brooke Shields does not have a brother. This is none other than bad Brooke herself, posed as a man for the cover of the upcoming Paper magazine. Editor Kim Hastreiter says Brooke wanted to do "something wild," so Paper got makeup master Kevyn Aucoin to transform the cover girl into a guy - complete with 5 o'clock shadow. Photographer Henny Garfunkel shot this picture and others of Brooke for Paper's menswear issue. Despite the tough attitude she portrays in this shot, Hastreiter says, "Brooke was a real trouper. She did not have any negativity."CAR TROUBLE - Someone should tell Rona Barrett about auto insurance. The veteran gossip reporter left her silver Lexus to be washed at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other day. A source tells EAVESDROPPING that when she returned, Barrett berated the doorman for a dent she had found on the side of her car.

When a stretch limo pulled up and its driver walked over to investigate the commotion, our source says, he took the doorman aside to tell him that Barrett had had a similar argument outside the Beverly Hills Hilton the week before. Repeated phone calls to Barrett's Los Angeles office were unanswered. Officials at both hotels said they don't comment on guests or visitors.

FILMMAKER JOINS FOLGER'S BOYCOTT - The next time John Sayles has a cup of joe it won't be Folger's brand coffee. The writer and director of "Matewan" and "Eight Men Out" is the latest to join the list of celebs boycotting the Procter & Gamble java. Last November, when six Jesuit priests were killed in El Salvador, a San Francisco-based group called Neighbor to Neighbor organized a boycott against sales of the mountain-grown beans.

The group maintains that Salvadoran coffee growers - associated with Folger's brand - fund that country's notorious death squads believed responsible for the priests' deaths. "It's a sacrifice for us because it's the best coffee, but we felt we needed to show support for the boycott," says Maggie Renzi, producer of Sayles' latest film, "City of Hope," who's banned the brand from the set. Other boycotters include Bonnie Raitt, Ed Asner, Jackson Browne, Raul Julia, Martin Sheen, Kris Kristofferson, Sting, 44 U.S. congressmen and two local supermarket chains.

Procter & Gamble spokesman Don Tassone claims the boycott has had "no impact at all," but Neighbor to Neighbor says it has. "People are aware of the situation," says spokesman John Adler. In May, P&G pulled its advertising - worth about $1 million a year - from a Boston television station when it aired a spot produced by Neighbor to Neighbor that showed a coffee cup dripping blood. Tassone called the spots unfair because, he says, other brands also use Salvadoran beans.

GRUNT WORK - Donald Sutherland had better prepare for the worst now that he's signed on with Werner Herzog. Two actors - Jason Robards and Mick Jagger - pulled out of the German film maker's last grueling battle with nature, "Fitzcarraldo." This month Herzog will haul Sutherland, Brad Douriff and Matilda May down to Argentina to shoot "Scream of Stone." The film tells the story of mountain climbers trying to claw their way up Patagonia's highest peak.

JOHN: HOLY WATERS - If he tires of directing movies, John Waters can always direct marriages. The odd auteur - who's also a mail-order minister - presided over the recent marriage of rockabilly virtuoso-actor Eddie ("Wild at Heart") Dixon and blonde Cheryl Lee Poirier, formerly one of Kid Creole's Coconuts. Actor Willem Dafoe was among those in attendance at the St. Michael and St. Mark Church in Brooklyn.

BRANDO READIES TELL-ALL BIO - Most publishers agree that a Marlon Brando autobiography could be a definite contender for the bestseller lists. But before they make him an offer he can't refuse, publishers say they need assurances from Brando that the tome won't be the literary equivalent of his expendable-but-expensive performance in "Superman." Brando reportedly got $3.2 million for approximately five minutes of on-screen time.

Marlon announced in a recent issue of Daily Variety that he was writing his life story. "Fifteen books have been written about me - not with or by me and not accurately. I'll say it accurately," the 66-year-old Brando told Variety columnist Army Archerd. The thespian said he was "forced" to do the book because he "was invaded so deeply by the press" during his 32-year-old son Christian Brando's recent run-in with the law.