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Comments about ‘How your premarital experiences can affect your future marriage’

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Published: Monday, Aug. 18 2014 10:05 p.m. MDT

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Lambo
Clearfield, UT

90% of people have premarital sex with an average of 5 partners---shudder and 77 percent have already slept with the person they marry before getting married? How is marriage an asset? it is mostly a liability if there is nothing different before and after marriage. This is very disheartening. Whatever happened to self control/discipline in our society. This number is only going to get worse with the proliferation of pornography. Now many people that haven't necessarily had sexual relationship before marriage will have likely had sexual experiences prior to marriage. Those that go into marriage free from sexual baggage will be even fewer and farther between. So grateful I waited until marriage and so grateful I hadn't been exposed to pornography (thankfully access was much more limited back then). Nothing can compare to having your first sexual experience be with someone you love enough (without having had sex with them) to commit to spend your life with. Then sex is this HUGE bonus on an already amazing relationship.

ksampow
Farr West, Utah

Chastity - the Lord's standard - is the best way to prepare for marriage. Science occasionally stumbles onto a spiritual truth. If we follow the word of God as revealed to his prophets, we need not wait for science to verify it - or be tossed about by scientific research which often contradicts other research.
This is not an indictment of science. Science can do wonders with measurable, verifiable issues such as medical research, which has saved countless lives. But science will never answer religious and moral questions without drawing on the Source of spiritual truth. (Even for truths which are outside of the realm of religion, many innovators have credited divine inspiration for their discoveries.)

Rosebyanyothername
Home Town USA, UT

Trust is a huge factor in chastity before and during marriage. How a couple uses that trust will determine the longevity of a good marriage relationship. It is a foundation upon which that marriage is based and brings stability to it.

I agree with the article and the study that was reported. The marital relationship is sacred and is a commitment not to be taken lightly, Our children are the ones who benefit from the fidelity in their parents' relationship and their example. It makes a difference for things to be done in order. Marriage first, then children, not vice versa.

We learn and teach Honesty and believe in being true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous and doing good to all . . . " to paraphrase a simple tenet to live by and be happy in our relationships, lives.

It is a matter of choice. We are agents unto ourselves and need to be true to ourselves and others to be HAPPY.

slcdenizen
Murray, UT

@ksampow

"But science will never answer religious and moral questions without drawing on the Source of spiritual truth. "

Was it the source of spiritual truth that directed the Israelites to stone non-virgins on the wedding night? What about strict rules for treating slaves? Also, all human knowledge has arrived through trial and error, falling under the scope of "science". So trying to distinguish bronze age myths as different from a simplified understanding of science is quite silly.

Laura Bilington
Maple Valley, WA

Did the headline writer even read the article? Here is the critical line, which led a paragraph of explanation:

"The study does not prove cause" . Correlation is not, repeat not cause, and the correlation of your premarital experiences and the level of marital satisfaction does not begin to "prove" that one caused the other.

And that's assuming that people are honest about premarital sex. I went to high school in Brigham City and saw any number of my classmates get permission for temple marriages and then deliver babies six to eight months later.

Laura Bilington
Maple Valley, WA

@ksampow writes "If we follow the word of God as revealed to his prophets.."

Might I respectfully remind you that plenty of those prophets decreed that God had told them some pretty precise laws about slavery--who could be enslaved, how much to pay for them, how to treat them. Is there a reason you don't follow those laws?

If you truly follow Jesus Christ, you should perhaps remember that he was never quoted as denying marriage (or anything else) to gays. But he did say, "Love one another", and "Do unto Others" without any commentary about worrying if they were gay or ate shellfish.

Clarissa
Layton, UT

@slcdenizen

Last year I read the complete King James Bible. It wasn't until I read the Old Testament that I began to understand why there were such harsh rules. The Israelites were constantly disobedient. God gave them so many chances, but they still were constantly being wicked despite God's constant love for them and forgiveness. Finally, the Lord had to give them explicit rules so that they could learn obedience. They stayed in the wilderness for forty years to let the first generation die out. When they got to Palestine, they still continued to be disobedient. This eventually caused the destruction of their whole society. So regardless if you believe in the Bible, there is an explanation for the harsh rules. I wonder what rules have been lost? I guess my real point is that even if you look at the Bible was non-religious, it still makes sense as to why there were such harsh rules. I wish everyone would wait until marriage before sex and children, but this is a free world.

riverofsun
St.George, UT

Here, again, is strict religious talk about the unusual life very religious people lead in comparison to the rest of the world. Just more of the "we are better than everyone else" syndrome in today's forum.
Perhaps these poll takers( or journalists) could sit down and have a discussion with those who are not living bound by ancient laws.
Listen for a bit to those who, basically, live just as the rest of you do, except...
How about interviewing happy couples with loving, successful families who have been married a long time?
How about the senior people who have made it a half a century without all the biblical(some so cruel) and LDS rules?
Why not talk to these clean, well intentioned, kind, friendly, courteous, law abiding, organized, generous, well educated, prosperous, middle class people?
Not all of the readers are living the life as conservatives tout as "the answer".
BTW, we have and. are doing extremely well, thank you!

slcdenizen
Murray, UT

@clarissa

" Finally, the Lord had to give them explicit rules so that they could learn obedience."

Aw, so the cruelty doled out toward slaves and women is a larger lesson involving God and the male slaveowners. The Bible makes much more sense now, I guess I was just being a turkey.

gmlewis
Houston, TX

"Bronze age rules" - that is such a silly phrase. There were plenty of "bronze age" people who didn't have a clue about living chaste lives. This revelation from God was totally independent from the culture of the people at the time. This principle has been revealed anew in our day, and it is just as foreign to the "nuclear age" as it was in the "bronze age."

KanataHal
Ottawa, 00

If each person is unique, then it is also true that every marriage is unique, and quantifying and qualifying marriages from questionnaries will never lead to understanding just what is the essence of a good marriage. I will admit that it all seems to makes sense, but statistics is a tool that we should not apply to things that lie almost completely in the spiritual realm. It's very unfair to judge peoples' relationships so quickly, based on externals, mainly.

Michael Matthews
Omaha, NE

@ rivers,

It sounds like you are satisfied with your life and happy.

But, I think you are missing something here. These researchers did sit down and talk with people like you. And they talked with others. Their sample was random and large. This makes it more scientifically sound. Then they averaged the results. The % of people like you who (satisfied, happy in their married life) was greater for those who "had fewer sexual partners", and/or "had a bigger wedding", among other things. You can't attribute cause like everyone is doing here (You can't from a scientific perspective). But you also can't dismiss their results as flawed as you seem to be doing. At least you can't dismiss their results without sounding like you are biased.

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