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Comments about ‘10 reasons a traditional marriage is better than a two-year beta marriage’

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Published: Wednesday, July 30 2014 2:20 p.m. MDT

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BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

My two cents. This article if anything will be a conversation starter. Prehaps some Beta relationships will break-up as a result of it. It will also lend more ammunition to the Committment-phobic Mid-Single guys still holding out that something better will come along. Relationships are work. Some of us should not be in any kind of relationship. period.

FatherOfFour
WEST VALLEY CITY, UT

I have good friends that have been together 11 years. They were married in Massachusetts in 2005. They are both from Utah and although they were active in their church in Massachusetts they chose to have their Utah pastor come out and perform the ceremony. He is an old family friend. In 2008 they adopted a child from a young lady who knew it was not time for her to raise a baby. They have been there since birth, literally. Years later they moved back home to Utah and were married (by that same pastor) last December. Unfortunately though in Utah only one of them has parental rights. If the other one dies the surviving parent has no legal rights to the child he has raised for the last six years, literally all of this young boy's life. They were in the process of fixing all that when our governor decided to nullify their marriage and stop those proceedings.

Schnee
Salt Lake City, UT

I see no use for such a thing, mostly because I see the period between engagement and marriage as the equivalent. Of course I realize that my being fine with cohabitation before marriage does produce that option whereas those who oppose it wouldn't have that option.

giantfan
Farmington, UT

Schnee,

There's research that shows that couples who cohabitate before marriage or more likely to divorce anyway, if they do decide to tie the knot. You'll have to google it yourself since DNews won't let me post a link.

koseighty
The Shire, UT

@FatherOfFour

Sadly, the state of Utah doesn't care how many families it has to destroy in order to maintain the sanctity of families.

Michael Hunt
Murray, UT

@ giantfan

I found "research" indicating Bigfoot lives in NorCal. Being unscientific while relying on "science" to support personal biases has very little value.

Shimlau
SAINT GEORGE, UT

Michael Hunt; did you even check out the "research"? I wonder if what you are using could be considered a 'Straw man argument'. This seems to be a favorite term of people who wish to denigrate any research that may not agree with their 'personal biases'.

Lagoonfreek
Layton, UT

For me the "Beta Marriage" time starts when a couple begins dating. If all goes well the relationship progresses to boyfriend/girl friend and after a period of time progresses to engagement. If this processes takes two years then so be it. Marriage is a commitment. A commitment to work things out for better or for worse.

JinaYi87
Norman, OK

Wait, did I just read that 43% of millenials constitutes "Most Millenials?" Are we a bit math challenged here? No wonder Utah is fighting Common Core; they cannot see that 43 < 57. That would be like saying that Mitt Romney won "most" of the electoral votes in 2012.

Maudine
SLC, UT

@ giantfan: Actually, that research has been proven to be faulty. When adjusted for factors such as age, education, finances, etc., divorce rates are more closely related to age (the younger a couple is when they marry the more likely they are to divorce) and commitment levels (committed couples make it married or not, couples that hook up to save money or because of family/peer pressure don't make it married or not).

The DesNews actually ran an article about the new research a few months ago.

Ranch
Here, UT

So much for "traditional marriage" being one-man, one-woman. Now its one man/woman for x-days/weeks/months and then another go with a different couple.

And you, Deseret News, keep printing anti-gay commentary. Sooooo ironic.

bigv56
Cottonwood, CA

A joke. Ian beta marriage is going steady. When you become an andult, make a commitment and keep it. The millennialist are very sad.

Scott H
Ogden, UT

Making and keeping commitments changes those involved in the commitment, intertwining the parties involved. Marital relationships don't just "work out" or not. Making such a relationship work requires a level of committed effort that simply can't be found in a relationship where one tries out a spouse the way one would try out an apartment.

Sure, you can hope that a trial relationship turns into something more committed. Many do. Or you can pursue a relationship where each party is purposefully committed to making it work. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which approach is more likely to endure the challenges that life naturally produces.

Chris_B
Salt Lake City, UT

It is incredible how we experiment today with institutions once considered timeless, tried, and true. We will eventually pay a heavy sociological and spiritual price for turning "marriage" upside-down and inside-out. Eventually, the entire institution will not be worth the paper of its contract.

In an age where marriage is debated and redefined - an age wherein it is almost disposable with high divorce rates, swinging, and "beta marriage", perhaps the only true definition or value is within what the musician Sting calls the Secret Marriage, "The secret marriage vow is never spoken. The secret marriage never can be broken," a true marriage solemnized within the hearts of spouses who have passed the test of time, become true soul mates and best friends - letting the light of their marital life shine as an example to others.

When I think of this kind of marriage, I think of my granparents married for 60 years. On the day Grandpa died, Grandma woke him up from a nap asking, "Honey, your favorite show, Touched By an Angel is on. Do you want to watch it?" His profound reply says it all, "No thanks, I was just touched by one!"

Jamescmeyer
Midwest City, USA, OK

"Beta-marriage"? A "trial-marriage" where you may or may not be married in the future? That's not what marriage is. The concerns, works, and purposes of marriage are directly opposed to the concerns, works, and purposes of any temporary arrangement. That's what marriage is.

@koseighty,
Yours is the second most ironic statement I've heard in a long time. The state of Utah has done more than most in order to -preserve- families from the winds of lust and fickle feelings.

And finally, such efforts are not "anti-gay". To brand recognition and understanding of what marriage is as "anti-gay" is the first most ironic statement I've heard in a long time, confabulating those who profess same-sex attraction but otherwise seek normal lives and those who actively seek a homosexual lifestyle.

Ranch
Here, UT

Jamescmeyer says:
Midwest City, USA, OK

"the state of Utah has done more than most in order to -preserve- families from the winds of lust and fickle feelings."

Not even close to the truth. The State of Utah has done EVERYTHING it can think of so far to destroy some families. Everything.

giantfan
Farmington, UT

Michael Hunt,

A lot of assumptions made on your part about what biases might or might not be had and so called unscientific research. Interesting that you'd come to that conclusion since I wasn't even able to cite any references. Ironic that you're the one demonstrating the bias, don't you think? Go ahead and google "Molly Edmonds" and "Denver University" and read the first one on the list. I'm not saying it's clear cut scientifically proven fact. But it certainly isn't some kind of Bigfoot claim.

Schnee
Salt Lake City, UT

@giantfan
"There's research that shows that couples who cohabitate before marriage or more likely to divorce anyway"

I'm aware of that, but of course averages don't apply to everyone in the demographic. It mostly just depends on how a particular couple approaches things.

SuziQ
Springville, UT

I don't really get the point of this article. I am not sure that a compelling argument was made for any course of action. It seemed like a random collection of possible pros and cons. I was expecting to see a lot more focused and detailed information. Is a "Beta Marriage" just another was of saying you are living together or are you supposed to enter into a formal agreement? It seems to me that it is a fancy term for what a lot of people already do. Does a "Beta Marriage" turn into a "real marriage" after 2 years? Just not understanding the point.

Pops
NORTH SALT LAKE, UT

We humans have a finite capacity in terms of how much indecision we can tolerate. I would guess that the amount of stress produced by such an arrangement as a beta marriage would be overwhelming. I wouldn't give a beta marriage much of a chance of success on that basis alone.

As far as evaluating how things are going after two years, that's a great idea. But only if the purpose is for each partner in the marriage to figure out what they can change in themselves (not in their partner) to improve the relationship and make the next two years better than the last two. Commitment is a healthy thing and leads to happiness.

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