Good article.Fact is, it is not a just world. People suffering loss
and pain know this better than others. As such, attempts to assert that it is a
just world are arguments against the real, poignant feelings of those who are
grieving. And how is a theological or cosmic debate helpful during these
times?Early in the process of loss is denial. People suffering are
in Ned of validation - validation that the loss is real and their grief is
legitimate. Even the comment "I am sorry for your loss" has become
cliche and feels like someone trivializing the pain. Simply saying,"I am so,
so sorry." might be better.
I hate the "God must've needed him/her," and variations we Mormons
too often say. It is fine for the grieving person to repeat those platitudes if
it gives them comfort, but no one else should say it.
You say things best by saying nothing at all. All the words in the world
don't mean anything, it's what you can do. Actions speak louder than
words. It's like my momma said, it's in your heart not your head. Ya
got to give and give and give.
You hit the nail on the head with your suggestion "don't give them an
assignment". When my husband passed away, the folks who provided the most
useful support are the ones who just went ahead and did things instead of asking
what could be done.