Comments about ‘Domestic violence reaches far beyond individual homes’

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Published: Friday, July 11 2014 8:10 p.m. MDT

Updated: Saturday, July 12 2014 9:45 a.m. MDT

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bobdc6
park city, UT

"I think the real question here is why would someone be able to do such devastating harm given all the things the victims had done to try to safeguard her situation and her family's situation," Oxborrow said."

Answer, ease of access to firearms, allowing any violent nut to obtain a gun. This story, while tragic, is just one of many just like it occurring every day in the US. Time for Congress to figure a way to keep the mentally unstable and criminals from obtaining guns. "Good guys with guns" is obviously not the answer when looking at the weekly death rate.

Fullypresent
Salt Lake City, UT

Such a tragic story. Her parents are already saying they have to forgive him when he just wiped out a significant number of their family members. It is all of their individual choices whether to forgive him or not and that choice should not be taken away from any of them. When women are raised to answer to and be obedient to men all of their lives it is much harder for them to stand up for themselves when they are being abused, and they feel the extra pressure religiously to keep a bad marriage together. She did the best she could to stay safe and keep her children safe. My heart goes out to all of them. They will never be the same. This terrible tragedy is a reminder of why the Church needs to put as much attention and money into domestic violence prevention as they do the same sex marriage fight and other things. Domestic violence is destroying many families in their flock.

My2Cents
Taylorsville, UT

This argument called domestic disputes are not violent or criminal. Disputes are a Constitution right therefore they are not a crime. This terminology is so broad and widespread its being abused and wrongfully labeled and accused as a criminal offense.

Husbands, wives, neighbors, family, friends and business owners all have a right to dispute anything they choose, to dispute does not make it a crime or felon. Police do not have the right to label acts, they are assuming the roll of judge and jury to create or infer a crime without trial or judges when they document a report.

The only thing that has grown is wrongful interpretation of our rights, and our disputes have so legitimate rights it can even lead to death in protecting constitutional rights. Domestic violence is in conflict with individual rights therefore this accusation if false and unconstitutional infringement of rights.

Laws and labels do not limit our rights man or woman or family or friends. Because disputes happen in public does not make them a threat to each other of others. These definitions supplied by Obama must be used with discretion and if they infringe on rights.

lledwards38
Canandaigua, NY

I am stunned at the statistic that one in three women in Utah will experience violence in their relationships. For family and friends of these women, I urge you to give support and encouragement. I also urge you not to take these women into your homes. Refer them to the local shelters, and the professionals where they can live in a secure place while they pick up the pieces of their lives. I know this runs contrary to our Church training. But assisting a women to escape from her violent partner puts you and your family in great danger, as we can see from this tragedy.

An order of protection is issued by a judge, and is only a piece of paper. It is NO PROTECTION from a man with a weapon.

Instereo
Eureka, UT

What is sad about this whole situation is how the violence against one person, a spouse, escalated to children and an extended family. I wonder if the hostile feelings were amplified by the ease of access to a gun. For the perpetrator it provided a quick and easy solution to his anger. So while I agree those who suffer from domestic violence should receive help and be able to get out of the situation as easily as possible, I think there should be serious discussion about guns. To many innocent people are hurt and killed each year. While guns aren't the whole problem, ease of access to guns is part of the problem that seems to be ignored.

100%TruePAtriot
cincinnati, OH

Ever notice that domestic problems began with the passage of women's suffrage and the civil rights act?

Go back to wen this country was established and there are no records of domestic violence. Not even a hint from what I found.

Ever wonder why it was that way?

I can post the reasons but this site will prevent me from posting them....

Fact: there is no such thing as 'domestic violence' nor should there be special punishments for it.

Violence is violence period. And no matter who the victim is the punishments should be exactly the same.

Murder is murder. And it doesn't matter if the victim was a family member or total stranger - the penalty should be the same.

Lolly
Lehi, UT

In the situations that have occurred with my friends and acquaintances, there is no way these violent acts can be checked. Even going into hiding or moving does not guarantee safety.

Larene
Cedar City, UT

It is important we address the role anti-depression medicine plays in these cases. We know anti-depression medicine causes increases in violent thoughts. We need to start making professionals accountable for prescribing drugs that cause violence. They might as well have just put a gun in the hands of a violent offender.

I have heard that anti-depression medicine was involved in every mass killing incident, including Sandy Hook, Ft. Hood, and Columbine.

LittleStream
Carson City, NV

There are so many things that must change before domestic violence would be controllable. My son and I tried to get my daughter out of a situation much like this. The victim needs to believe she doesn't deserve to be treated that way; the victim needs to have a warning go off when the abuser tries to get them away from friends and family. When the FIRST incident happens the abuser needs to get anger management training. When the victim FIRST goes to the hospital, the hospital needs to report it as domestic violence. There needs to be a domestic/child abuse department in the police department. The punishment needs to be great enough to discourage the repeat of the crime; once someone is charged with domestic violence they should not be able to own a gun. Until society stops tolerating this treatment of women and children the abuses WILL NOT stop.

kwaintraub
Brigham City, UT

Having been a victim of domestic violence myself at the hands of my spouse, I have learned that many times our spouses and/or family members have mental illness. In their minds, they are punishing the "person who did them wrong", because that's how their minds perceive things. In this case, the perpetrator chose the worst case scenario and hurt the kids to punish their mother.

As a victim, over time you can get used to anything that for an outsider seems blatantly wrong... But abuse is endured, trickling in like raindrops, in small doses, until it escalates to an event that is beyond the understanding of many people who haven't been through it.

We as spouses believe that they can / will change, and when it only gets worse, we are many times left with little or no support system, living in denial and isolation, because we can no longer see any solution or light at the end of the tunnel.

This is more common than we realize and it exists at every socioeconomic level in our society. What happens behind closed doors is another world many of us have no clue about...

I M LDS 2
Provo, UT

And let's not forget the gender bias in domestic violence: less than 1 in 5 victims of domestic violence are men. The other 4 out of 5 victims of domestic violence are women, which is why there are many "women's shelters", but few (none?) men's shelters. Overall, domestic violence is characterized by a violent man harming (or murdering) his wife or girlfriend.

The fact that Utah has a significantly higher domestic violence rate should shock us all and be a source of embarrassment to all public institutions, religions, and organizations that claim to exist for improving human well being. We are obviously failing! And women and children are suffering the brunt of our failure!

MNmamaof4
Lakeville, MN

"One in three women in Utah will experience the impacts of intimate partner violence at some point in their lives." I am thinking this includes those indirectly impacted (sister, friend, niece, etc.) and not just women with violent partners. Still a startling statistic.

As for blame, it rests squarely on the shoulders of the man who killed his ex-wife's family. Somewhere in the last century, our society has latched on to this idea that we can control everything and whenever something bad happens, it's time to point fingers. This tragedy is not the fault of his parents, the judge, the psychologist, the Haskell's bishop, the NRA or anyone else.

One opinion
west jordan, UT

I am so sorry to hear about this poor family and the pain all their extended family must be feeling. Perhaps more effort needs to be made in educating people how to find a companion and what danger signs to look for during the dating time. More time needs to be spent in doing activities (not just visiting) with families of both people wanting to get married. By observing the families habits or traditions, how the intended spouse relates and treats their own families you can learn a lot about a person. How do they treat animals and small children? Do they tend to be self centered? Is it all about them? Often caring families can spot things someone who is blinded by infatuation cannot.

Howard Beal
Provo, UT

Being hit by your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is not acceptable behavior. I hope it isn't what we construe as normal behavior. If you start dating and your boyfriend/girlfriend is abusive, leave. Please don't marry this person, please don't have children hoping that this will help or fix the situation. That is what is further sad about this situation, three children brought into an abusive and tragic situation. I'm not sure about the role of the predominant religion is playing in telling women to be subservient or whatever to men, but again abusive behavior should not accepted and should not be considered normal. If the LDS church and schools can help on the matter, I'm all for it because often those who are abused or abusers come from dysfunctional families and think this "normal" behavior or expectations of a relationship. And I can't stress this enough, if a relationship is in a tough spot, let alone an abusive area, bringing children into the situation won't solve anything, but will likely be a stressor that will make things worse.

Howard Beal
Provo, UT

I M LDS 2:

I would suppose why there are not any domestic shelters for men is that even if the primary abuser was female, I can't even think of a situation where a female spouse abuser has hunted down spouse or children to kill them. There is just that reality that men are more violent and certainly more likely to commit murder and commit murder with a gun. So with a finite amount of resources, it just makes more sense to have more shelters and services to protect female victims (and of course children).

Anonyme
Orem, UT

Larene said, “We know anti-depression medicine causes increases in violent thoughts.”

Do we? Look at the prescribing information for antidepressants. Every possible adverse reaction is listed, from nausea to rash to yawning. “Violent thoughts” is not one of them.

“We need to start making professionals accountable for prescribing drugs that cause violence.”

Professionals prescribe antidepressants to patients for whom they believe the benefits will far outweigh the risks. They encourage the patient to learn about the drug by reading the medication guide. And because not every medication works for every patient, they advise patients and their families to watch for any signs of worsening depression, including irritability or aggression. If the medication is not helping the patient, the patient or his/her family is accountable for seeking further help.

“I have heard that anti-depression medicine was involved in every mass killing incident.”

You heard wrong. In addition, many studies have found that SSRIs may reduce the propensity for violence. See George DT et al, January 2011; Stark LJ et al, April 1989; Coccaro EF et al, May 2009; Marcotte DE et al, September 2009.

It's speculation to suggest that antidepressants played a role in this tragedy.

Gildas
LOGAN, UT

Reported cases of domestic abuse: not all cases are reported and we don't know the real figures or, in consequenc, the real breakdowns by category or gender. The term 'domestic violence' also, imo, needs an understandable definition taken from common parlance.

Domestic violence in history: if no figures are available we are forced to look to other sources including literature which I have found yields some very interesting results which would be surprising to a great many people. The whole issue is based on emotion, prejudice and, in a great many cases lies, hyberloe, rhetoric, histrionics, bad journalism and bad legal practice.

There is a failure to investigate available cases comprehensively, and a low desire to know the truth. There is no interest in investigating the root causes of actual cases, the level of violence, no interest in balancing actual acts with levels and persistence of provocation. There are very few open minds; some unruly mouths open wide and regularly, while the wise are silent.

JayTee
Sandy, UT

Just more evidence to support the basic logic that says you don't pick a spouse like you pick a candy bar. The general rule in behavioral science is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and too many people pick a spouse based only on the "sales" side of the process, and then regret it on the "service" side of the spectrum. Someone puts on the dog and does/says all kinds of romantic things, but the future victim doesn't really get to know the person until the deal is sealed, and the surprise package is opened. Forrest Gump said that life is like a box of chocolates, and you don't know what you're getting until you bite into the contents. If this is true of life and chocolates, it's 100x true of marriage and other "serious" relationships. Wishful thinking and romantic fantasy will never replace adult logic and functional intelligence.

loraleechoate
Logan, UT

@100%TruePatriot
"Ever notice that domestic problems began with the passage of women's suffrage and the civil rights act? Go back to wen this country was established and there are no records of domestic violence. Not even a hint from what I found.?"

You are so wrong it is breathtaking.

Here is just ONE example of the perfect, upstanding men you speak of: Charles Bankhead. Son-in-law of Thomas Jefferson and a total abuser and all around total jerk.

I hate to burst your 'life was perfect before we treated black people and women like humans' fairytale, but there it is.

Daniel L.
Murray, UT

1/3 of woman is a startling statistic, and a sad one. Men can and should do much better. My sociology of gender class in college taught roughly the same statistic over a decade ago, and that has not improved. More work needs to be done in teaching our youngsters how to properly make and maintain positive relationships. That is the work of religion in this country, and they work hard at it. That is the message I have received all my life attending church, and as a missionary. What is tragic is, that as advanced as we want to believe our society is, we are still in the dark ages when it comes to social interactions. We are unfaithful, disloyal, treasonous, objectify, diminutive, controlling, intemperate, dishonorable, destructive, hateful, vengeful, murderous and jealous in what should be our most intimate relationships. All religions I know teach the opposite of such behavior.

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