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Comments about ‘Linda & Richard Eyre: How about actually dating, then actually marrying?’

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Published: Wednesday, May 14 2014 12:30 p.m. MDT

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10CC
Bountiful, UT

Essentially we are seeing an extension of adolescence from the younger generation, and the reluctance to actually date and marry.

"Enjoy today because tomorrow is not guaranteed".

Historically the American Dream was the promise that if you worked hard, you could provide for your family. The underbelly of our economic system today is that people are treated like commodities, and increasingly our youth - who are not stupid - see that their earning power could vary dramatically, making the (desirable) commitments the Eyres describe as being highly risky, a far bigger gamble than when we were coming of age.

A carefree attitude and the reluctance to commit are the exterior, economic uncertainty is the root.

Ett
Salt Lake City, UT

Ah yes, just because something isn't new, it's not valid. I am one those who had a failed first marriage and divided my family over it. Fortunately I wised up with age. I have since learned the value of dating someone and getting to know them, finding that certain one to marry and putting in the work to making a marriage and family that lasts. I feel lucky to have avoided the old adage, "too soon old and too late smart. The old concepts of dating, marrying and having children have existed for centuries because when properly practiced and exercised, work, which brings to mind another tried and true adage. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." For those who disagree, tread your path. Just don't blame society if you one day find yourself old and alone. "You pay your money and you take your chances."

Llew40
Sandy, UT

Easy to tell a single, unmarried, mid-single that she'll have an automatic eternal hubby in the next life. Harder to explain how such an extraordinary priesthood holder was able to accomplish this without actually having to do any work, like dating her first. Sounds like the ultimate cop-out to me.

Bob A. Bohey
Marlborough, MA

I have, I believe, a better idea. How about people live their lives as they see fit and refrain from negatively commenting on or trying to disparage others life style choices that they don't agree with. Other peoples lives are none of their business anyway.

IDC
Boise, ID

I went the traditional route. Dated, married early, worked through a lot of school, had kids before finishing school. I tried my best to delay gratification in cars, houses, vacations, etc. I live well but live well within my means. I invest 20% first and live within a budget. I will be able to retire by the time I am fifty - if I want to stop working. My marriage has been tough at times but my wife and I are together after 20 years and we have 20+ years of joy, struggle, memories that are irreplaceable. We have built a partnership based on hard work and sacrifice. No big regrets for me. Not trying to say I'm perfect but hard work and sacrifice still pay off.

1.96 Standard Deviations
OREM, UT

Great article.

Tyler D
Meridian, ID

@Bob A. Bohey and @10CC

Well said!

I find articles like this obnoxious as they often have an undertone of “everything we did in the past is best and everything these naïve kids are doings today is awful.” And frankly the moral judgmentalness (“the right way in the right order”) only adds to it being insufferable.

Aside from the obvious fact that almost no one would chose to live in “days of yore” vs. today, it’s worth pointing out that while divorce rates are in the 50% range (although apparently they are lowest for those over 25, in a 1st marriage, living in a Blue state, and atheist), this hides the fact that in those “golden days” of past many people were stuck in miserable marriages because society offered no viable alternative.

Damages to children of divorce aside (which is important and should not be minimized) we really have no way of knowing if people are generally happier in today’s culture vs. the more repressive cultures of yesterday.

Sore loser
tampa, fl

I believe the main reason people don't date is insecurity. The best way out of that is to not play the family game you see everywhere where family people criticize single people or other families and try to raise their family to the head of the class. Then there'll be less need for therapy and self help books.

Let it Go!
Omaha, NE

I haven't had much experience with dating, largely because of how scared I am at what people will think of me. It is difficult as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to be different while so many are trying to be the same. In the case of dating, I follow the Church's standard, even though so many of my teenage friends, of which a few I know to be lds, are doing that which is contrary. Sometimes I feel the urge to "just do it." But I keep holding on.

Why?

Because the Lord always provides a way for all to keep his commandments. If He commanded us to follow His standard concerning dating, there is a way. It may be difficult for some, but those who keep the commandments will be blessed exceedingly.

People promise gold, but The Lord promises diamonds. Which is of more worth?

Wilf 55
SALT LAKE CITY, UT

I assume the Eyres write for an American audience where the concept of "dating" involves a young man and a young woman going out and getting to know each other, and the next week or so with someone else. That is "not done" in many cultures around the world: it's like cheating in marriage. In most cultures "dating" means exactly what the Eyres abhor: "move around in groups" and then slowly on a couple may emerge. And it works well. So, speaking of the church worldwide, let's be careful not to view the American way as standard.

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

It's more than a conclusion, it's a conviction. There's got to be romance.

Pops
NORTH SALT LAKE, UT

I heard of an interesting study where two groups of people were allowed to pick an art print from a collection and keep it. One group was told they would have a chance to change their minds and trade it in later for a different one. The other group was told their choice would be permanent. Curiously enough, follow-up testing showed that the group that was required to make the irrevocable choice was much happier about it than the other group. I suspect the same is true of the commitment that comes with marriage.

Some have suggested that Richard and Linda are saying, "new bad, old good", but I don't agree. What they are saying is that there are things that worked in the past and they will work today because they are based on sound principles.

John Charity Spring
Back Home in Davis County, UT

The left-wing will stop at nothing in its efforts to destroy traditional marriage. Many of these postings reflect that effort.

The left has an open and stated agenda of promoting wanton sexuality and drug use. This road can lead only to misery and woe.

I issue my strongest possible condemnation of those leftists who are seeking to destroy fall that made America great. Their disregard for the Constitution is nothing short of shameful

A Scientist
Provo, UT

Why would anyone, whether left-wing, right-wing, or wing-nut, want to "destroy traditional marriage"? That makes absolutely no sense at all. Traditional people with traditional beliefs enter into traditional marriages. Around half of those "fail". That is the doing of the "traditionalists", NOT the people who do not believe in traditional marriage.

The first thing we all need to do, regardless of our wings, is to stop blaming others for our own problems.

I've been happily married for thirty years. No temple sealing, no god, no self-help books from the Eyres or anybody else have been needed. In fact, no concepts of "traditional" versus non traditional (much less same sex) marriage have any relevance to my wife and me. We just love each other, care for each other, and help each other succeed in life. It doesn't help us nor anyone else to politicize our relationship or to wring our hands anxiously over larger societal statistics, trends, and the legal status of same sex couples' relationships.

Why do some people continue doing that?

USAlover
Salt Lake City, UT

In the 80's and 90's, the whole idea was: how do I find a fun, smart and beautiful girl and convince her to marry me?

Schnee
Salt Lake City, UT

@John Charity Spring
"The left-wing will stop at nothing in its efforts to destroy traditional marriage."

Nobody said anything even remotely close to "people should not marry"...

"I issue my strongest possible condemnation of those leftists who are seeking to destroy fall that made America great."

You said that already. Doesn't change the fact that your grandiose statements are baseless.

Lasvegaspam
Henderson, NV

When you have the First Lady appear on a tv nighttime talk show and state the following about “young people”, you realize that the push to extend adolescence has little to do with the personal growth of citizens, and everything to do with the goals of a certain political party:

“Well, thanks to the Affordable Care Act young people can stay on their parents’ insurance until they’re 26. But once they hit 26 they’re on their own. And a lot of young people think they’re invincible. But the truth is young people are knuckleheads, you know? They’re the ones who are cookin’ for the first time and slice their finger open; they’re dancing on the barstool… “

jimbo
American Fork, UT

@ IDC
It sounds like you are trying to say you're perfect or, more likely, that you hit the jackpot in your career choice. Congratulations on your financial success. Unfortunately, there are many others who incorporate the same habits that you described in your post and things don't work out as well. They can still be happy with their chosen spouse without being able to retire before age 50.

Demiurge
San Diego, CA

As an end boomer, if I could I'd do it the way kids do it now. Marriage ends up being a trap often as not - and I've been married 25 years.

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