Comments about ‘Ask Angela: Fiance calls off wedding when she opened up about past porn addiction’

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Published: Monday, April 28 2014 10:38 p.m. MDT

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cjb
Bountiful, UT

This is almost unbelievable. I guess the sexes were swapped. That the with a (former) porn problem was the guy.

Lovin_Hawaii
Eldersburg, MD

I was so angry when I read this. I had a pornography addiction during my marriage and my wife was far more understanding than this self-righteous individual. This person truly doesn't understand the Atonement and everyone's need for it, including his. She's better off without him and I hope she finds a someone who's full of love, compassion, and mercy.

theshadowknows
Salt Lake, UT

I'm so sorry. Talk about being had....

As hard as it is to go through this, you're best off without the guy. Judgmental, conditional and a control freak....everything else that no one needs. A porn addiction and he is that supportive? Please. I can't say it enough....count your blessings.

Yes... you definitely were right in bringing that up. Absolutely. Have you never heard the definition of love...you know he/she loves you when they know all of your dark and painful things and still hold you close and love you anyways. Love, James Thurber said once...is what you go through TOGETHER.

I dearly wish I would have been married to someone so honest and kind as you. What a relief it would be to be able to face life together like that.

Hang in there...winnowing out the chaff is painful but good.

Max
Upstate, NY

Young lady, you have been greatly blessed. You have been blessed to see the true character of this man. He is not worthy of you. He does not understand or respect the atonement of Jesus Christ and is not capable of compassion or forgiveness. He has revealed his innermost soul. It is best to find this out BEFORE marriage. Sure, it hurts now, but you have been spared.

In addition, it is entirely possible that he was going to react this way no matter what you brought up. He may have been looking for an a reason to end it. In other words, if you had told him that you stole a candy bar when you were five years old, he would have called that a deal breaker. PLUS, ending it in an email really does punctuate what kind of person this man is. Once again, rejoice. You have been spared!

Jim Cobabe
Provo, UT

I think people need to face the consequences for past bad decisions. It's sad that relationships are destroyed and lives are adversely affected by personal choices. The atonement of Jesus Christ can afford us forgiveness and healing, but it would be naive for us to believe that it will interrupt natural consequences.

There is no blame to put on the man who chose to end the relationship. You presented him with a challenge and he responded to it with his own judgement. I don't read anything that says his reaction was hypocritical or unkind.

I am honestly sorry for any who experience pain or anguish resulting from their own bad choices. But there's a lot of that going around. Ending one relationship opens the opportunity for something else. Get on with your life and put this unhappiness behind you. With the right approach, there are better things waiting in store.

Fluffy Bunnies
,

Or maybe this letter is fake, written by a guy to see what reaction he could get. If so, it looks like he did pretty well.

Ernest T. Bass
Bountiful, UT

Sounds good to me!

Matthew B.
West Jordan , UT

I mention one thing only because I haven't seen others say it.
Marriage involves overcoming challenges. There is no end to the list of possibilities. If this young man did not feel capable of working together with his future wife to solve one issue, how much of a struggle would their marriage have been?
It is good that this communication issue (the real issue is communication, not pornography) came up before they were married.

Doklove
Quincy, IL

It is interesting to me that most comments suggest forgiveness for her and suggest that it is good that they broke up. What about forgiveness for him. I agree that his behavior was rash, self-centered and discounting of the atonement of Christ. It might be rash, self-centered and discounting of the atonement to judge him so quickly with such little information. Had he been hurt or seen someone hurt from an addiction to porn in the past?

He handled the situation immaturely, but I was certainly less mature when I got married than I am now. I think it is great that this issue came up prior to marriage and I hope that he will get together with her to discuss both of their problems. If he's willing to talk, I think that they should postpone the marriage and work this out. Some of our (wife and I) greatest strengths in our marriage are from overcoming our weaknesses. If he is not willing to forgive then that suggests that the marriage should not go on. But let's not be rash.

Nan BW
ELder, CO

I have a set of glasses that were left behind in our home decades ago by a young woman whose marriage was called off because of her former drug addiction. I think of her often because of those drinking glasses, and wonder "what if." After the marriage was called off, she had drug problems again, resulting in employment problems, resulting in other unhappy actions and so on. I think the bottom line is that no matter the circumstances, much prayer must go into deciding to and not to marry someone. No one but the two partners and the Lord knows if the marriage should go forward (particularly if there are "issues"), and mistakes can be made in the best of circumstances.

K
Mchenry, IL

Better he leave before saying I do. In the long wrong she is better off without him. He wasn't the one. You can't hide something like that. If better or worse can't survive an engagement it wouldn't survive marriage. You need someone who isn't perfect, just trying to be the best they can be. And mostly succeeding.

Applelovernow
Henderson, NV

I am not defending this young man's buffoonish behavior, however, if this was a deal breaker no amount of talking was going to change him. Ann landers gave this advice 40 years ago, if the past is the past and has been dealt with on all appropriate levels do not bring it into a new relationship. What happened in the past stays in the past.

BYU9293
Clinton, UT

I think most people that are being harsh to the fiancé are not doing so because he ended the relationship, but because of how he did it. He would not even discuss things with her and left and then sent an email, an email. He was engaged to this woman and then ends things in an email. That is just wrong. Yes, he can choose and if he could not handle things, that is his choice, but he should have handled things like a man and he did not. To break up by email is just plain cowardly, period. He should have talked with her and told her as kindly as he could, in person, his feelings. Nothing wrong with not wanting to deal with such an addiction. But everything wrong with the way he went about it.

Pasmith
St Petersburg, FL

You were right to confess to him before marrying him. My husband did not confess his problem until 10 -12 years after we married and it has caused a lot of pain. The dishonesty hurts worse than the addiction.

If he loved you as he should have, he would have continued the discussion, instead of just walking away.

Unfortunately I see a lot of young men in the church who are very prideful and look down their noses at other young people who have made mistakes. What they don't understand is that overcoming things like this can make you a better, stronger, more spiritual person than you ever would have been without the struggle. Good luck. Do not let his ignorance and pride cause you to slip. Stay on the right path and the Lord will lead you to greater blessings and one day you will be glad that this one got away.

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