Well said, Starling! When I was a young clueless mother, my children benefited
much from an excellent daycare. Much later, having learned a lot, I had another
child and knew how to be a mother. I did a good job with her. If I could do it
all over again, I like the mothering experience described by a previous poster
whose wife works at the kid's school. For me, staying always at home makes
me crazy, but working full time with children at home is so tough.
I certainly don't want animosity to continue between "working moms and
SAHM", however, the fact of the matter is MOST children are emotionally
better off in the care of a parent. I say MOST because I am a school teacher
and I have come upon situations in which the parents do not have proper
parenting skills to nurture their children. SOMETIMES a child is
physically/emotionally better off in a child care setting than with one or both
of the parents. If you are a mom who works outside the home and feel that you do
not have the proper parenting skills to nurture your child in the home then by
all means leave them in daycare and continue supporting the illegals as they
milk our governments finances. If, however, you do have the parenting skills to
nurture your children in the home, please stay home with them, preferably
through high school. As an educator I cannot stress enough how much we
appreciate SAHM's, all of the way through high school.
If you want to leave the paid work force to raise your family, fine. But please
don't assume the following: 1. that the children of working moms (or
parents) are neglected. 2. that households with two working parents are living
high on the hog -- most are striving for a middle-class existence. 3. that
relying on outside help -- relatives, day care, sharing with other parents, does
not equate to "having someone else raise our child." That's
incredibly disrespectful, and shows a lack of knowledge of the myriad ways
parents find to juggle raising kids and earning a living.All parents
are "full time," whether they're tending to every need on a
constant basis or working to pay the bills. And from what I've noticed,
there are no "stay-at-home" moms, because they don't stay home!
They're in every restaurant during the day, or driving the kids to their
umpteen activities. Can we find another phrase?
Yes, you can have great children and be a working mother. But whatever you can
achieve while working would be even better with more time investment. The more
you sow, the more you reap. “It is not always granted to the
sower to live to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in
faith.”Albert Schweitzer - 1952 Nobel Peace Prize, 1875-1965
Introspection Please!"Don't let your desire to be a mom keep from
an education and career." Motherhood IS a career and ANYONE will a scrap of
logic knows that if you have two jobs, they WILL COMPETE. Pretending otherwise
is just ridiculous.If you don't want to fully commit to your career
as a mother, fine. But don't make ridiculous arguments that make you feel
more at peace with your decision to compromise one career for another.I
know many women who choose to work (it is rarely NOT a choice) and they ARE
fantastic mothers and homemakers. But there is also a compromise to the quality
of mothers that they want to be. It is ingenuous to think that the Best Mother
you can be involves spending less time in your home. The stay at home mothers I
know that do a less than stellar job are also "not at home";running too
many errands, endlessly being absent as they are sucked into social media sites
and even ignoring their children as they work from home.
Wow, I'm shocked by some of the comments. I bet most women (or men) who
can't be at home with their children and have to put them in daycare
already feel horrible about it. I agree that is great to have one parent home
with children if possible but that is simply impossible for many people. Making
ends meet can be a huge challenge. Would you rather that families rake up huge
amounts of debt or file bankruptcy just to have one parent stay at home
I don't think its a choice to be a stay at home mom as much as jobs have
dried up. Its cheaper to stay at home than to pay for day care. Personally, I
don't see staying home and raising children a job. Parents have a
responsibility to raise children regardless of what their occupation is.
As with most microeconomic choices it comes down to margins. Simply put, the
aggregate marginal benefit of working is reduced by diminishing job
opportunities, stagnant wages, high taxes, general economic uncertainty,
expensive childcare and the 'costs' that individuals feel from knowing
that someone else is overseeing much of your child's development. When
individuals solve that equation - consciously or unconsciously - now more than
in a long time, they're saying that working just doesn't provide
enough benefit to outweigh the costs. So they go against the grain and choose
to stay home...
I had the privilege of staying home with all of my children. I know many women
don't have that choice, and some choose not to stay at home. Now my
children are grown, and I have time to look back at those years. All I can say
is that even though it doesn't feel that way at the time, those years go by
far too quickly, and if mothers don't give all they have to that effort,
they will spend the rest of their life regretting it. Who knows but what a
working mother was better at parenting than I was. But how I wish I had them
little for a few more years. The time we have with them is already too short.
Not so long ago, a worker in a meat-packing plant was paid a wage sufficient
that his wife could stay at home and welcome the kids home from school with milk
and cookies. These more recent figures of 60% in favor of staying
at home versus 23-29% who actually do, are telling. It is additional evidence
of what we already know: that because of greed-driven policies designed to drive
wages down -- non-enforcement of immigration law being a notable and undeniable
example -- many American women who wish they could stay at home are forced to
work along with their husbands in order to provide for their families'
basic necessities. Another established, undeniable, pertinent fact
is that a great many of the immigrant mothers mentioned who stay at home, are
here illegally and are drawing on taxpayer-funded welfare benefits for their
children -- again funded in part by American mothers who are having to work in
part to pay this tax burden and because the flood of illegal labor has driven
their husbands' wages down.Candidly this newspaper could help
the cause of helping American mothers to stay at home by ceasing its perpetual
-- and again undeniable -- condoning of illegal immigration.
How sad that so many of the women commenting here are trying to shame women who
work while their children are young. Study after study has shown that the
children of working mothers are just as healthy and happy as the children of
stay-at-home moms. The children of working mothers demonstrate more
self-confidence and better coping skills than the children of SAHM's.Not to mention that women are human beings who have the right to be
fulfilled and some women find working outside the home very fulfilling. The best
possible scenario is for a woman to have the choice to work outside the home or
stay at home with their children without being judged.
Working Stay At Home Mom said: "Being a stay at home mom does not equate to
a better mother."I agree that this is true in some cases.
Momof3RD2 said that she is a better mother as a working mother. I, personally,
am not. I think all parents need to consider their own personal working and
parenting styles and make the choice that is best for their family. But
ultimately, as Working Stay At Home Mom said, whether we work outside the home
or not, we must still be involved in our children's lives and make sure we
supervise them appropriately.
I am glad that my mother elected go put her career on hold. I am equally glad
that wife did so as well. You can never judge someone's reasons for
working. Some are also fortunate enough to have jobs that let them interact
family or provde great flexibility. I am concerned, however, by those who look
down on women (or men) who choose to stay home with their kids or whose hobbies
or social calendars are more important. If your job or yor hobbies are more
important than your kids, something is wrong. I know too many kids whose parents
tried to give them stuff instead of time and most resent it.With
respect to single moms who are forced to work long hours to keep their kids
clothed and fed, I think the men should man up and take care of their own - even
if the state needs to apply a little pressure to help them.
The decline of stay-at-home mothers was a combination of a number of factors,
first the rise of feminism, which taught women that there was something wrong
with wanting to be mothers and stay at home to raise their children, and second
globalization and the decline of the American workforce, which forced many women
to go out and work as their husbands were forced to take jobs that paid only a
fraction of what they once earned and that provide much fewer, if any, benefits.
The destruction of the traditional family has served the interests of the
political elite and the very wealthy, but has caused enormous harm to everyone
else. Many people are now beginning to realize that the cost was not worth the
benefits, and the trend is beginning to reverse, with the ideologies that caused
the problems to begin with now gradually being discarded. It will take a long
time to get society back into balance, but it will happen eventually, if we are
brave enough to see it through. Also this is further evidence that
belies the popular notion of the demise of conservative, traditional values in
America and an inexorable trend towards liberal secularism.
I really do wish one group would not judge other groups based solely on their
own experience. My wife has worked on and off for years... as an educator.
Currently she is teaching full time, and it is working out great. She
isn't one interested in domestic engineering... its just not her thing.
But she teaches at the same school our kids go to, they ride to school together,
they eat lunch together, they join her in her room after school and do their
home work together while she grades and prepares for the next day, and they ride
home together.Her example as a teacher have them loving and valuing
school. I ask them if they like it that mom works at school with them.... and
they always reply they love it.So lets not cast the whole one sized
life fits all. I think it is great that many choose to pursue fulfillment by
managing the household. I fully support them. But I that doesn't fullfil
my wife.... and I think she is going great. She surely isn't doing it
because the money is life style changing.... she just loves hanging out with
Much of the increase in stay at home mothers is due to the high cost of day care
and wages that are stagnant.
I am a working mother and I have been since my first child was born. I have
worked part time and full time and on call, but ultimately, I am a better mother
as a working mother. Every part of every day is spent doing what I feel is best
for my children. I am parenting even when they are at daycare or school. I am
raising my children no matter who else is involved. I have volunteered at the
school, stayed up late working on science fair projects, organized and executed
fundraisers, cheered for my children at performances and activities, as well as
organized enriching opportunities outside of the school environment (like
volunteer work and museums). Some working parents do not have either the
opportunity or tenacity that I do, however, no one way of parenting is
"best." To Utah Teacher: my children are among the smartest in
their classes and all of their teachers know that they have my support in
teaching my kids. It is unfair to speculate on whether stay home mothers are
more "dedicated" to their children just because they are home. END THE MOMMY WARS!
It would be nice if we had the choice. Some of us have husbands that don't
want take the responsibility to provide for the family--so who gets to do it?
I think it's because "working" wages have declined due to the
recession.Why "work" for $10.00 and hour, and end up
paying $15 an hour for childcare?This is about economics.
I am lds, but I felt guided by the spirit to keep working after my children were
born. It helped me overcome severe separation anxiety I had after my first child
was born. Being a stay at home mom does not equate to a better mother. I am a
social worker and I have seen many children neglected by stay at home parents.
You must not leave your children unsupervised, if you are at home or not. My
children have learned much from child care providers. They are independent, and
confident. Research shows that women today spend more time with their children
than women did forty years ago, yet the percentage of women who work is much
higher. I work part time, I feel I spend more time with my children than most
people who don't work at all. Stay at home moms do have cleaner houses and
more home cooked meals. Working moms must work hard to find quality childcare.
We need the voices of women in all parts of society. Don't let the desire
to Bea mom keep from an education and career. 99% of women will work in their
lives, get ready for that.
After many years of having to work, I am about to quit my job to be a full-time
mother to my 1-year-old daughter. Due to poor past financial choices (i.e. a
mountain of debt), my husband and I both had to work when my older children were
little and I've always regretted it. Now that we have most of our debts
paid off and are making wiser choices, we are finally able for me to be home
again. My mother stayed home until I was 12. She sent me to a
babysitter for a year but I protested so much that she let me stay home alone
after that. And that's when I started getting into all kinds of trouble.
I tried my first cigarette in my own home, tried alcohol in my own home and had
sex for the first time in my own home, all while my parents were at work. For
these reasons, I agree with ThisIKnow: I will stay home until my kids are all
grown if I can, whatever sacrifices it takes.
If your situation allows it you are fortunate. I think of the song where a woman
chooses a glamorous life of international travel, dating celebrities, living a
really nice life style. She describes how she has been to many different places
done many glamorous and exciting things but then says .. "But I've
never been to me". Meaning she hasn't fulfilled her inner self".
Money is important, but fortunately the best things in life
aren't the things that require a person to be rich to have them. Everyone
can have a husband or wife. Everyone can have children. If we make it a priority
everyone can spend time with their husband or wife and their kids.
Thank you for this positive story of a choice of many that is difficult. I only
would add that a further minority is those of us who choose to be a homemaker,
not only while our children are young, but as they continue through the
tumultuous years of adolescence. I used to think that the most important time to
be home with my children was before school-age. Now, I realize, having me choose
to be a homemaker while my children are younger than 18-19 has been VITAL to the
later years as well. I LOVE having the opportunity to enrich my children's
lives and be here when the moments I never thought would come, inevitably do, at
times least expected. I am here at vital crossroads for conversations, sharing
and support and I don't believe I would have the same
opportunities/experiences if I was not available as a homemaker to my teenage
boys. I also have discovered the joy and example to my children of a marriage
that is also enriched by having made this choice. We have had to sacrifice
financial "wants" in order to accomplish this but the rewards I see are
Reading the endorsements of the many comments and the choice by mothers or
fathers who choose to be at home their childrens is truly a happy day for hope
we give our children of the future homeland security. Parents care more for
their children than what governemnt wants to allow us to have and tries to
discourage this bonding.As single father raising 3 children and
being ineligible and denied for any state or education assistance I turn down
lots of overtime work and extra income so I could full fill my instinct to be
there for my children as much as possible. They knew I am there encase they ever
needed me. Children do notice these things and I remember them as a child with a
stay at home mother. My children never seen the inside of a day care center
after my divorce and I don't regret giving up thousands of dollars overtime
and being impoverished so I could be there for them.Home parenting
is the only social media that a child needs. Children hooked on social media is
a child who is suffering from loneliness and no parental affection.
Well, even though I work outside the home, I still am a homemaker. I would say
the most important part of the title is the word choosing. We don't need
another round of the mommy wars. Some women love to be home with their children,
some need more space. Some dads make awesome stay at home parents. Some
parents have no choice but to work. I would hope that society could respect
choice a lot more.
"Oh, your wife doesn't work. She's just a housewife?"""Yes, she works many hours each day. She is a homemaker."
It's great that the number is growing, but I wish we could all go back to
calling them "homemakers"
I usually write from the perspective of a teacher or of a parent, but now that I
am well past those endeavors, I am writing from the perspective of the child I
once was (in the 50s and 60s). My mother taught school and I stayed with a
doting older aunt, or a grandmother. I had wonderful care in those settings.
However, I would have rather been home with my mom. Later Mom quit teaching and
when I was in school, I virtually always went home and spent time with my
parents. For five years I went to a school where sexual harassment, bullying,
and lack of teacher supervision were routine. If I had been required to go to a
daycare after school, I would have completely lost out on mental/emotional
stability. How I made it through miserable days at school was knowing that
I'd be going home to the wonderful ranch where we lived, where our animals
were emotionally supportive, the setting was peaceful and my mother listened to
all my school woes. If it had been in an era of homeschools, most likely that
would have been an option. Home is the best place for children!
Parenting requires a parent, male or female, to be at home while the kids are
I have a ton of respect for those parents who will willingly & often at
great personal sacrifice, forgo some (or all) of the luxuries in life to raise
their own children. I audited Utah daycares for 5 years and so I have personally
witnessed the very best and the very worst professional child care centers &
homes this State has to offer (and the difference is stark). With that said, the
very very BEST daycare is NOTHING compared to the love & attention the
child's own mother can provide. Why would anyone (who has a choice) take
their most prized possession/relationship in the entire world and turn it over
to virtually unknown, minimum wage day care workers who are doing it strictly
for the paycheck and who's attention is distracted by many other children?
I felt so much sorrow & sadness as I watched little children day after day,
cry and cling to the daycare's window or fence as their parent's drove
away - these parents mistakenly thinking that by both working, they were giving
their children a better life. Parents, your children don't care about
things, they care about being with you.
One of the most encouraging stories I've seen in a long time - thanks to
those who put aside material things to focus on their family - wish more would
As a full-time homemaker for 15 years and now a full time teacher, I have seen
both ends of the spectrum. It is so hard being at home all of the time 24 hours
a day 365 days a year. However, the benefits far outweigh the hardship. NO ONE
will love your child and care for them as much as you do. Full-time moms are
such a benefit to society.
I agree with Utah Teacher.
As a public school teacher I say THANK YOU to all of you dedicated Moms out
there that take the time to raise your kids. It definitely shows in the
classroom. The time you give your children in those first 5 years is worth more
money than anybody could make in a year. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!