I have seen firsthand how "shacking up" does nothing to encourage
commitment. If they actually had a way to track common law relationships it
would be obvious that these actually have a higher rate of break up. In my own
extended family I have seen this time and time again. Serial monogamy I believe
they call it these days. It is destructive, especially if there are children
involved. My own grandson lamented only a few months ago that his mom has had
"way too many boyfriends". And since she split with my son, she has
been in 1 marriage (which ended in divorce after having 1 child) and 3 live in
boyfriends which has produced yet another child. And this current relationship
that produced child #3 is in serious trouble already. Sadly, this is the norm
these days. And this has been in the past 7 years, so do the math. Tragic all
Shacking up is better than committing to a mistake.
Of course, this article only speaks to so called "traditional" marriage.
The bed rock of society that, with out it, humanity as we know it would come to
an end. Hmmm, very interesting indeed.
Thank you, MommabearGail, for sharing your thoughts and family's
experiences.Aside from religious incentives or children, incentives
for women and particularly for men to marry are rapidly declining. Sex outside
of marriage is more socially acceptable than ever, as is cohabitation (or serial
monogamy as MommabearGail describes it). Even when married, no fault divorce
offers a ready ejection handle for the moment a married couple begins to
struggle. We have a government that subsidizes single motherhood with a host of
social welfare services...and any time you subsidize a behavior or situation,
you'll encourage more of it.I expect to continue to see
marriage in decline...to the detriment of society.
When you serve yourself first then you get divorce, and lot's of it.We have a "me" generation like never before.
'And, as Family Studies noted in its piece, “Divorce: It’s Way
Bigger Than We Thought,” cohabiting isn’t helping union instability,
as "cohabiting unions have always been less stable than
marriages."'Except this is not necessarily true. Recent studies have shown that when you control for age, there is no
difference between divorce rates for couples that cohabited before marriage and
those who did not.Marrying or cohabiting before age 23 is much more
likely to lead to separation or divorce. If the couple has different
ideas about what moving in together means, or if they move in together or get
married for financial reasons, or if the relationship decision is based on
pregnancy or desire to have a child, the relationship is much more likely to
experience trouble and end in a split or divorce.If you are truly
committed when you move in together, you are going to act like a married couple
and view yourselves as married and this creates stability and leads to marriage
with the same chance of the marriage being permanent as if you married to begin
with.This study is available from the Council on Contemporary
Years ago I had read that there is a higher divorce rate with those that live
together before they marry. Young people think they need to try out the
merchandise first before they marry, and that they will know things will work
out. Hmmmm, how is that working for them?
I see this issue as a symptom of the continuing breakdown of communities. People
are feeling more and more isolated despite the influx of technologies that
supposedly connect us. When support structures deteriorate, people will
naturally seek better circumstances. Moreover, if children are reared in
environments where they have contact with a variety of people, they receive a
better understanding of adult behavior, contributing to their development. Plus,
parents receive well-deserved breaks from parenting are able to focus on other
areas of their lives leading to greater overall fulfillment. Trying to blame the
divorce rate on cohabitation seems misguided if one is interested in fully
analyzing the situation and not simply fitting facts to their pre-determined
@ Hutterite"Shacking up is better than committing to a
mistake." Better for who? If one is not committed why even try? Kids are
often the victims in this type of experiment, how is this uncommitted
relationship better for kids?
"And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold."
~Matthew 24:12I think that sums up the whole topic very well. Is
this not fulfillment of prophecy about these last days?