Published: Sunday, Feb. 23 2014 6:00 a.m. MST
All of the data shown from the various studies seem eminently obvious to anyone
who has spent much time with children, particularly those who have endured the
fracture of their family.I earnestly wish such obvious conclusions
were as common and widespread as they were just a few decades ago.As
more and more people lose that common-sense observational ability and the wisdom
it creates, we accelerate the process of societal decay that has destroyed
cultures in the past and will surely destroy ours if we continue our downward
Neither does motherhood.Seems to be so much about the lacking of fathers
recently in the DN.Now who again is it that picks up the pieces and keeps
things going when the father splits?
The report that Farrell’s group produced said, “the U.S. has done a
better job of integrating women into the workplace than in integrating men into
the family — especially into the lives of children in the non-intact
family. We have valued men as wallets more than as dads.” The result is
“moms feeling deprived of resources and dads feeling deprived of purpose
and children feeling deprived of the full range of parenting input.”The quote above from the article reminded me that this was predicted by
those who feared that pushing women into the workplace would weaken the
father's role in the home. I know a father who once said that he feels his
only worth "is as a wallet." The Women's Equality
movement was vitally necessary, but the article is right that society has left
many men bereft of purpose and feeling worthless. "This ought ye to have
done, and not left the other undone."
All of us with families have had to struggle to get family time, and
unfortunately, to struggle against ourselves to spend more time with our spouses
and kids. Why is that? Because in our system payment, and only payment,
legitimizes. Witness the difference between amateur and professional, the
former weak and inadequate, the latter accomplished and legitimate. We are not
paid with money for spending time with the family. Family time, once lost,
cannot be regained. Timer's arrow you know.
I think some of us are clearly thinking of this welcome article: So who finally
woke you up, sleeping beauty, after a sleep of a hundred years - well fifty
years anyway. Still it's still welcome now, too late for some but not for
I had a wonderful father who had high integrity, was kind to all and treated his
wife like a queen. I had a wonderful relationship with my father. Even though I
later made to bad choices in husbands, I do not hate men, I am not bitter, I
have been able to forgive and move forward with my life. I believe it is
because I had such a positive role model growing up.
ThornBirds, did the father split or was he driven out by abuse in your case?
When the Male members in leadership learn that denigrating Fathers and Males
does not promote women, that may solve two problems.
gmlewis says: society has left many men bereft of purpose and feeling
worthlessSociety is not a person. Society has not done anything to
men. Do you think that women were just handed the things they wanted when they
chose to move into nontraditional roles? It has been a battle of many
generations, and we are still not there.If men don't like the
way they are treated by "society," it is time for men to do something
about it. Women dealt with (still deal with) cruel remarks and judgmental
stares as they try to move forward. Men need to be willing to be ridiculed by
other men to become the husbands and fathers they say they want to be. Lead the way. Don't wait for "society" to open doors for
you; it won't.
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