"Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!"
My parents are happily married and I haven't seen them fight in years, but
I still remember -- more than 20 years later -- a really nasty fight they had in
front of us kids. It was awful. Thinking about it still makes me feel terrible,
and I don't even remember what it was about. NEVER argue in front of your
Mother and Father didn't argue in front of us and I appreciate that.
Nowadays there are more arguments between husband and wife and exponentially
more divorces. I think that having a predictable role and expectation in
marriage helps; there is less of that today.All this talk about
equality: it hasn't helped to make the man always wrong instead of always
"Never argue in front of your kids." There is nothing wrong with
children seeing their parents have disagreements/arguements as long as they also
see how their parents resolve those disagreements. I have seen too many young
newly married couples that are concerned that they have disagreements, wondering
what is wrong with their relationship because their parents "never
argued." It's not the arguing that is the problem, but the way in
which couples argue and resolve.
All I can say is memories, haunting spirits that hurt the heart.
Other not-so-good things to say....#11 "If I were to die, would
you let your next wife use my golf clubs?" "No, she's
left-handed". #12 "If you'll recall, our marriage vows stated
you will be a obedient wife, now would be a good time to honor that". #13 "Are you still talking"?
#14 that vow to be obedient was only if you acted with half a brain and / or
followed all of the Lords commandments. Enough said. #15 are you
still mad about that?
In front of your children: Avoid, if possible- resolution usually take time.
Afterward, both parents can together explain their problem and how they resolved
it without being emotionally damaging. Personally, I am beginning to think that
if there is a situation where some kind of confrontation is developing, close
your mouth, until you can think of a way to resolve the situation. It takes two
to argue. Maybe say: "I'm sorry - let me think about it."
#16 "Now that you mention it, that dress does make you look kinda fat. Why
don't you roll on off to the gym?"
I hear these 10 things almost every day. After 36-years of marriage, I stopped
listening to my husband. It's sad because his rage has been handed down
from his parents. His brothers are the same way. The acrimony and vile words are
like a rot that seeps into a family.I divorced him for 10 years and
re-married him when he said he sought help. Now I just don't care. I think
apathy is worse than hate. Some women tell me they are lonely because they
never married and live alone. I sympathize with them but reply, "You
don't have to be alone to be lonely."
Friendly grammar correction to #4. “You are a (insert negative
noun)” would be correct grammar. Either that or you could write “You
are (insert negative adjective)." Just a friendly observation.
Husbands can avoid all of this by simply stating the following: "You are
right, honey. I am and always was wrong, but now I understand and will go along
with whatever you decide."Problem solved. Happy couple.
Have done all 10 (as well as shades of the other six mentioned above). And we
argue most every day. In our 35th happy year of marriage. But we're
vocal, opinionated and honest. Not that we don't believe there are couples
who never argue. That must be possible. But kind of weird and
passive/boring.FYI is correct. Normal people argue and it's
normal to argue. The important thing is the resolution.As to #1, we
like that one. When we start to plan how that would happen it gets very
complicated. We just always conclude it isn't worth the hassle. Like the
Blues Brothers sang -- "it's cheaper to keep her."
One thing that is not on this list but probably should be is something along the
lines of "Remember when you...". My wife start doing that sometimes but
she always wins because I have a horrible memory and she can remember every
single detail of every hurtful thing I have done. To her credit, I've
given her much more material than she has to me.