I see, on average, one snowplow parent a day in my job as a school counselor.
Until we let our children fail, then help them figure out what to do differently
next time, then we are raising a generation that will struggle for their entire
lives. Or at least until they figure it out somehow.
Failure and the ability to learn and comeback from it is an essential element of
"God's Plan for Happiness." Otherwise, why would we need
Christ's Atonement?While our Heavenly Father could be a
snowplow parent (and sometimes He is), He usually isn't. Likewise, while
He could be a helicopter parent (and sometimes He is), He usually isn't.
RedShirt, Thanks, you're right. I guess I was only referring
to the direct management part. Many parents get stuck there. It is so much more
enjoyable to be a consultant than a manager.
To "jeanie" as a parent you never work yourself out of a job. You just
go from direct management to consultant.
Completely agree with Brent T. As parents our job is to work ourselves out of a
These articles drive me absolutely nuts. You (meaning our offspring, aside from
legally being mentally challenged) are an adult in this country at age 18. The
best thing my dad did (well, he was great on a lot of things) was to say happy
birthday, bestow gifts and then hand me a bill for the rent (room and board) on
my 18th birthday. We did the same for our children. One can be generous and
helpful (we loaned our adult child money at a nice interest rate), but you fly
at 18. Therefore, things happen well before that age to be ready to fly.
Fairly certain that myself, and our kids, not only could do their own laundry by
at least age 12, but that they didn't want us to touch it. While we
certainly "gifted" clothing and stuff birthdays and holidays, the
expectation was these were things they got for themselves -- by jobs and making
money. None had allowances nor expected them. They all cooked before then.
Could go on... just can't comprehend the idea that parents feel
responsible to support kids in adulthood.
This is my 35th year as a secondary public school teacher in Utah. Terrific
article. I wish that all parents would read this and pause to think about how
they are doing. We see this all the time. How things have changed over the past
There's a funny Studio C skit about this kind of thing...how parents
treated kids in the 1950's vs. how parents treat kids these days.How
true that is.
Amen! As a teacher the past 32 years, I've seen plenty of helicopters and
snowplows. Kids need to learn how to cope when they are young, or those first
years out on their own can be a nightmare. Also, when parents "browbeat"
teachers in front of their kids, that teacher no longer has any respect or
influence with that child. If you have an issue with a teacher, talk to the
teacher privately and work it out. Parents need to let their kids start to grow
up at an age-appropriate rate. The mom of one of my current students walks her
right into class every morning and calls her "Baby" as she leaves.
The sad thing is that psychologists and other similar specialists recognize that
saving kids from failures is bad are often the same people wanting to save
adults from their failures.Read the article again, but replace kids
with adults and parents with Government.If it is bad for kids to
avoid struggling or suffering from mistakes, what about adults? Is it good for
adults to avoid the consequences of their mistakes?
Just think if you were a helicopter and snowplow parent! That would be
outrageous and you would be called heliplow or copterplow or something like
The real secret lies in finding a balance, which focuses on teaching the
children how to overcome obstacles themselves rather than assuming that mom and
dad will always be there to fix everything. Sometimes, kids will need some help
from parents, but they need to learn how to deal with their own problems when
possible and that there are some problems that can't be fixed.
Also parents do learn from their own kids watching them to route along some
struggles.They would deprive themselves of valueable lessons having
avoided any possible resistance to struggle, but be careful, overbearance is
counterfeeding your progress.And what about the progress of those
who have no children ?Also here is some I like to get off my
chest.As much as I admire those who have no children of their own or
cannot, holding on to their faith well done, but I cannot relate to their
struggle anymore.Because for everything in life you can find
reasons, and no kids around you is a reason.You are wasting a wonderful
life time not having kids around.Adoption and even if that would not
be possible, there are so many suffering children sometimes without a home or
parents around Utah or the world.You have given them the sacrifice and
love of a life time, if you get involved.This article is not for
families with children exclusively, you can make one on your own.Stop
complaining about not having children, have some. What you have done unto
one of the Least you have done....
Beautiful article, right on the spot. Sometimes I wonder which newspaper
could be better across the country ?: (People think they are
protecting their kids when they are really setting them up to be more
vulnerable."Kids usually don't like it, either. They want to
learn to do things on their own, and they crave some independence.)Those solid characters as we find them in Church Authorities, are known to
have struggled during their first 2 decades of life.I would add, not
only the children need to find the opposition in all things, but our time and
media puts them on a hold for development. Its cracker time.