Comments about ‘Ask Angela: Dear LDS Relief Society, I don't have kids, but I'd still like to be friends’

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Published: Monday, Feb. 10 2014 11:55 a.m. MST

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USS Enterprise, UT

To "hamletfan8" but Jesus may say to Detroit Lady to "quit whining and get over it".

Think of the story of Mary and Martha. In Luke 10:38-40 we read " 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath achosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

In other words he said, quit whining and enjoy the gospel.

Yes we should follow Christ's example, but where have we ever seen Christ fretting about fitting in with the popular crowd? When was Christ every concerned that the Apostles liked him? The fact is Christ was more concerned with his salvation and the salvation of man more than he was about himself. Can "Detroit Lady" get over herself and become more concerned with salvation than with having buddies at church?

Albuquerque, NM

Dear Detroit Lady,

You have it way too easy in your Relief Society. I am a 40+ something year old, returned to school, single adult, and I am trying to learn Spanish. At 30+ something, I returned to school to study what I wanted. To improve my Spanish speaking skills, I changed wards to a local ward that conducts church in Spanish for the Latin Americans Mormons that have come to the U.S. Talk about not fitting in! It is hard to connect because of language problems, that never seem to end; culture problems of differences between Mexican Americans and Americans; and I am a single adult without children. I don't fit in well, but,I have learned to give of myself, even if I am a busy student. If I see a sister freezing in church, I share my sweater. If I see a sister that hot, I share a fan. I also share my love of music and direct the R.S. choir. Yes, it is hard, but they give me hugs and a kiss on the cheek every week. I am sharing in their culture and our love of the gospel.

Taylorsville, UT

This challenge is a result of not much diversity here in Utah...not just ethnic diversity, but other types as well.

When my husband and I lived on the east coast recently, we found that this wasn't as much a problem because there were people from everywhere in our ward. They were so excited to see each other it didn't matter much what race you were, your age, or your experience--whether you had children or were married or not. And these people were very busy. They worked 10-11 hour days in high profile jobs, or they were lower income people with several jobs, just surviving.

Any new situation takes some getting used to. Just keep at it. You don't have to change yourself to fit in. People will accept you. Amazingly, we had a similar experience in our own ward upon returning even though we've lived here for 18 years. Extend yourself to be friendly and others will respond. You don't have to set up social things--just be friendly.


For those without children, many of us try many different things we can think of to look beyond ourselves and to be useful to others. Those with young children who would like our help, it is you who needs to ask us. Sometimes we might try to help a family with young children only to have this family feel uncomfortable with us because sadly we live in society which makes people fearful of everybody. At the same time those of us without children have our own concerns and comfort level when it comes to other people's kids. We might then choose to help the widows in the ward, but then there are those who subtly express the attitude that they have raised their children and don't particularly care to be bothered tending to others. One might say get a job, go to school or volunteer somewhere. Chances are many are already doing these things. More than once where I have sought to find joy in serving others I have been basically told I need to get a life and have some fun. So, yes, where are those of us without children supposed to be of help to others?


I also have moved around a few times. Living in Utah or elsewhere makes no difference. For some reason it also doesn't matter where you go, there seems to be this attitude of those from Utah compared with those from anywhere else. Why is that?

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