Comments about ‘It's time to be more honest about the decline of marriage in America’

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Published: Monday, Jan. 27 2014 3:41 p.m. MST

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2 bits
Cottonwood Heights, UT

Who doesn't know marriage is declining in America?

If there's anybody... they are completely oblivious to reality.

The rates of marriage declining and the rates of divorce climbing are well known facts. And they are just following what has been the trend for a long time in the European countries our political left idolizes.

If anybody's surprised by this article, or just learning that marriage is actually declining in America... they should be ashamed of themselves. This is a major problem facing our society today (totally embraced and celebrated by Pop-Culture and the MSM I might add).

Hutterite
American Fork, UT

You want to know how to curb the decline of marriage in America? Ask someone who really wants to get married. When they want. And stay that way. Ask a gay couple in Utah.

BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

My Son and his girl friend are in their early 20s. This weekend, she made an interesting comment that gave me pause. She said "The idea of couples having their first baby in their early 20s doesn't give their peers a problem. But to hear that couples, the same age, getting married sans a baby on the way. Gives their 20 something peers major concerns" As in why? Are you two crazy?
IMHO, I think as the economy improves the average age of first-time marries will decline.

BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

Lets qualify My Son's gfs comment: The Couple with a baby on the way were unmarried and marriage plans were not in their future.

JSB
Sugar City, ID

The trend saddens me but I fear it will only get worse and worse and worse... Sadly, those that will pay the highest price for this irresponsible behavior will be the children who really have no say in the matter. But, some people and groups can decide to keep marriage something sacred in spite of efforts to undermine, dilute or redefine it.

Mark B
Eureka, CA

Going back to 2000, the rate of divorce in the US is actually down slightly. So the "only get worse and worse" statement isn't quite right.

UtahBlueDevil
Durham, NC

I think it is funny that the lack of marriage is always tied back to some fetish people have trying to tie it to liberalism and sexuality. The increase of relations outside of marriage my be in fact happening, but it is a side effect, not the cause.

Women now have the economic freedom of having a life without marriage. Marriage has become optional. They don't need a man to provide a house, food and income for them - they can do this for themselves if they like. This wasn't an option some 50 years ago. Many women stayed in bad relationships, because that is what you did. Women suffered through with bad relationships where they had little power or say - or options.

While women today going solo often have a higher level of poverty than do married couples, the option is there. TV, new morals, all that stuff has an impact. But being able to be financially independent was the real trigger to the change. And for one of our family friends, I am glad she had that option.

Mike Richards
South Jordan, Utah

We all have the "freedom" to live selfish, self-centered lives. We can all run away from responsibility. We can all hgive in to appetites and passions without committing our lives and our fortune to protect and provide. It's easy to live a life when you are the only person on earth who matters. Marriage is not about "easy". Marriage is not about "convenient". Marriage is not about selfishness or self-centeredness. Marriage is about loving someone else more than you love yourself and wanting the best for your spouse, no matter your personal cost.

Those who promote the "easy" way are telling society that nothing matters except self-fulfilment. That is the antithesis of marriage.

Marriage declines when people forget that the greatest gift they have to give is love and that the greatest opportunity to show that love is within a marriage, caring for others, sharing everything you are and everything you have with others, setting aside personal desires and personal ambitions for the good of the family. It means forgetting and forgiving. It means looking at others as God sees them.

george of the jungle
goshen, UT

It's more than a conclusion, it's a commitment.

pmccombs
Orem, UT

It's a good article, but it doesn't go far enough.

Someone's always talking about how strong, "traditional" families would benefit the national economy. These problems called out in the NYT article (divorce, abortion, etc.) can be traced directly to the changing nature of society and the family's role within it. These things aren't causes of familial decay, they are its symptoms.

Time was when there was no national economy as we know it now. Economy was a household and community affair, and that's what the "traditional" family naturally accommodated. Society and its families will always match the needs and demands of the prevailing model of economy. When it's a household economy, it's a household family.

In the early-mid nineteenth century, Horace Mann and his colleagues recognized the imminent dissolution of the family when the economy moved outside of the home. In an economy where everything happens outside of the home, there is no need for traditional household structures. Faithful spouses and children who were assets instead of liabilities were once critical to economic success. Not anymore.

Want to fix the family? Go home. Permanently.

RFLASH
Salt Lake City, UT

It sort of bothers me reading an article like this one. I am gay and have been in a relationship for 15 years. As far as I am concerned, it will not change until one of us dies. Yet, people will not recognize or support our marriages! I wonder if the divorce rate is so high because people have so little expectation of what it should be. What I mean is, they have, in their mind, what they think it should be and when it doesn't turn out, they give up too early! There is a time period, in the beginning when it was really hard for me to get use to the differences we had. As time when by and we adjusted, life became so much happier for me and for my partner also. The fact that people don't agree to our marriage doesn't seem to matter so much. We really do focus on so many unhappy things. Why do you think gay people want marriage. It isn't to make people love us! It is something that brings us closer to each other. Marriage should bring people closer together. Who am I to say, right?

BYU Track Star
Los Angeles, CA

Read interesting article in L.A. Times today on this topic. Citing a study done by a John Hopkins Sociologist. The take away from the article was that as the Economy improves more married couples will divorce. Some Couples of the lower economic strata during the Great Recession would go into a Divorce Attorney to legally call it quits. But the cost of doing a divorce was an unafforable road block. So these couples would soldier on in a Marriage in name only and continue to live together. The Author postulated that as the economy inproves, ability to finance a disolution of a marriage improves also. The Author cited studies from the American Great Deparession of the 1930s.

Open Minded Mormon
Everett, 00

#1 reason for divorce?
Finances.

A good strong economy, with a better redistribution of the wealth, is the answer to better marriages.

Where a Father can earn and provide for his family -- WITHOUT - requiring a woman's 2nd income outside of the home to make ends meet.

Ranch
Here, UT

Mike Richards says:

"Marriage is about loving someone else more than you love yourself and wanting the best for your spouse, no matter your personal cost."

What, Mike, is so different about that for an LGBT couple vs a Straight couple that you have to deny the one in order to "defend" the other?

Mike Richards
South Jordan, Utah

Ranch,

You're asking the wrong question. Our Creator has credentials that qualify Him to give us His doctrine. All we have to do is to look around us. We can see the Sun, the Moon, and the planets. We can see every living thing that He has placed on this earth. We can scratch the surface of the soil and see the nutrients that He has placed in that soil to nourish us and to provide everything necessary to sustain life.

On the other hand, you are posting using a false name claiming to tell us that God is wrong and that you are right. Would you be so kind to show us all of your doctorates, all of your Nobel prizes, all of anything that gives you credibility. Until you show some evidence that shows that you are right and that God is wrong, why should we listen to you?

God told us that marriage is between a man and a woman. He gave us life. What have you given us?

RanchHand
Huntsville, UT

@Mike Richards;

"God told us that marriage is between a man and a woman. He gave us life. What have you given us?"

Prove it.

Mike Richards
South Jordan, Utah

Ranch,

Nothing more needs to be said. You've had every opportunity to show gratitude to our Creator, but you've chosen to do the opposite. As for me, I will eternally be grateful to Him for life and for the rules that will let me enjoy the blessings of mortality. His plan is the plan of happiness. I am happy. My wife is happy. My children are happy. My grandchildren are happy. We are happy because we know from whom all blessings flow and we honor and respect Him, not only because of His blessings, but also because He is the father of our spirits.

Ranch
Here, UT

@Mike Richards;

Good for you. Now please, prove your "god" exists and all those things are from him and not a result of your own efforts. Now prove WHY LGBT couples shouldn't be able to create the same loving, nurturing family that you've created. Marriage of LGBT couples isn't going to affect your family in the least. Your work against our families DOES affect us tremendously though.

pragmatistferlife
salt lake city, utah

Let me just say the notion that divorce on it's face is a selfish act of irresponsibility is false.

"We all have the "freedom" to live selfish, self-centered lives. We can all run away from responsibility." Divorce in and of it's self is not running away from responsibility.

Anecdotally, I know a lot of divorced people and none have shirked their responsibilities. They go to great lengths and personal sacrifice to make sure children are supported, loved and cared for. The result is the children are highly successful. So to broadly say divorce is running away from responsibility is uninformed and wrong.

RFLASH
Salt Lake City, UT

Isn't it ironic that some of us want to be married and we want to spend our lives with someone and we are told that it is wrong! I have been with my partner for 15 years and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him! Yet, we are treated like it is some kind of disease!
You know, maybe the problem comes from people not putting enough love into it! I think it is as simple as that. Look at some older couples and watch how much they seem to cling together! They have truly let love in and it becomes a part of them! they can't imagine not having each other! I love my partner. I don't care what anyone says and after 15 years I love him more than in the beginning. If that is a sin, then I will sin until the day I die and nobody will take that from me! Nobody
It isn't just marriage! We are here to learn how to love. I know that with all my heart. Imagine this life if we could care about each other in a deeper way! We would be happy!

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