Comments about ‘In our opinion: The value of families’

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Published: Sunday, Jan. 19 2014 12:00 a.m. MST

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Lasvegaspam
Henderson, NV

Had Ann Romney become FLOTUS her platform would have been, "Get Married Before You Have Children"; such a significant and needed message for today's youth and young adults.

Gibster
San Antonio, TX

How do you incentivize any man to be a good father?

Normal Guy
Salt Lake City, UT

Married 10 years and loving it. The kids look like they're going to do pretty well. Wish every kid could grow up in that environment. I didn't have that growing up and I'm slightly jealous of my own kids that their dad (me) is around.

pragmatistferlife
salt lake city, utah

"Problems associated with the decline of the traditional family and increases in the percentage of children born to single women have been well documented on these pages "

No kidding about twice a month. You people are obsessed with this. It's almost like a tick you all have.

The habits, actions, and behaviors of humans have always changed and always will, and as they change they will destroy and have destroyed the old behaviors and models.

It's a pure myth that the family unit of today was the family unit of just a few hundred years ago. People didn't marry because of love. People didn't have children to fulfill the glory of God or to construct a happy little group to sit around on the couch and laugh at little sister (see above). And women weren't equal partners in marriage.

All that being said it doesn't mean all changes are equal or good. But the whole woe is me the world is changing is really getting old, and especially the only religion can fix this moral mess mantra.

Meckofahess
Salt Lake City, UT

Thank you for writing this profoundly true opinion. American youth would do well to ponder what you have appropriately detailed herein. In his book The Greatest Generation, Tom Brokaw wrote “A common lament of the World War II generation is the absence today of personal responsibility". Members of today's society would do well to strive to emulate the example of the greatest generation if they hope to be great themselves.

Hutterite
American Fork, UT

If you want to make families work again you need to start with the fundamental units of society - individuals. The components that make up a family. First, empower women, instead of trying to subjugate them. It's the one thing that can be done that works around the world. Second, empower sex. Our attitudes towards it are puritanical and unhealthy. Also, make it possible for a middle class to exist again. Raise the minimum wage, and create a single payer health care system. Finally, recognise that a family is possibly going to be different today than in the past. Children are no longer expected, and some families have same sex parents. The good old days weren't necessarily good, and in any case are gone.

Mike Richards
South Jordan, Utah

When the "enlightened" modify the "rules" so their own appetites and passions become acceptable, we have the calamity described by this editorial. Teenagers did not write the sex-education textbooks. They did not create the movies or TV shows that glorify promiscuity. They did not promote the music or publish the magazines. Adults did those things. Adults targeted the youth and exploited them. Adults enticed the youth to buy movie tickets, to watch TV shows, to sit in "sex education" classes, to buy music and magazines. Adults, who cared more for money than for the lives of our youth, did all of those things.

What is worse is that those movies, those TV shows, that music and those magazines depict the lives lived by adults. Serial sexual relationships, drugs, shirking responsibility are the habits and attitudes of the adults who profit.

Happiness is a gift from God that comes from living the eternal laws that He lovingly gave us. He desires our happiness. He told us how to be happy. Those who reject God and profit from misery entice the youth to follow in their footsteps.

Bob A. Bohey
Marlborough, MA

I respect the opinion of the Deseret News on this topic but believe that the data that was evaluated to arrive at this opinion to be fundamentally flawed.

Big C
Murray, UT

Wow. Not ALL single parents are promiscuous, lacking values, education, morals and integrity. As shocking as this may come to those who cannot think or see outside of the box... Single parents can indeed be excellent parents, moreso, even than married parents. Single parents are hard working, devoted, committed, loving, nurturing, and highly interested in their children's well-being, health, development, and stability. They work twice as hard for their children. Because they have to, and because they WANT to.

Kings Court
Alpine, UT

If we really value families, we would outlaw divorce. That is the major problem with families nowadays.

Nan BW
ELder, CO

Gibster, a boy who grows up in a home where the father is a good example, shows love and respect to his wife (mother of the boy, in the best circumstances) and the family works together to achieve worthy goals is most likely to grow up desiring to be committed to similar principles. At one time, that wasn't asking a lot of society, and when that changed it was to our detriment.

A few years ago I did a compilation of stories about ancestors and their connections in several communities of NE MO, primarily from the 1800s. In these families there was a high incidence of deaths from illness and accidents, and many of the children were left without one or even both parents. Many parents lost small children. However, there were relatives who stepped in to help in all the tough situations, and the survivors did well. My grandmother was a wonderful example of caring and sacrificing; she and her siblings had nurturing from many relatives when their mother died. I interviewed many relatives who had firsthand experience with life there, and they confirmed that despite hardships they grew up with positive influences and outcomes.

Shaun
Sandy, UT

Although i think teenage sex is dangerous because of std's and the risk of pregnancy. I also think instilling guilt and shame into your kids is dangerous as well. I dated a girl in college who became sexually active in high school. Her parents found out because her boyfriend came home a month after he left for his mission.

She became depressed and felt like a worthless human. She told me that no worthy man would want her. All of this guilt and shame came from her parents. I told her that she was a wonderful person and if a man would judge her because she was not a virgin then he was not worthy of her.

Shaming and guilting your kids about sex only works until it doesn't work.

Meckofahess
Salt Lake City, UT

@Hutterite:

Are you sitting down? I want to say I totally agree with you on something for a change (smile). I agree with you that in America we must work to "make it possible for a middle class to exist again. Raise the minimum wage, and create a single payer health care system". We need to promote the interest of those who are struggling to make ends meet who in most cases are honest, hard working people. As a healthcare professional I can tell you that our healthcare system is way too expensive and our outcomes are worse than other countries that spend half as much (as a % of GDP)as we do on healthcare. Healthcare costs are breaking the financial backbone of families and the American economy. A single payer system likely would help that mess!

@BIG C:
You speak the truth. I personally know several single moms that are some of our best employees where I work and they are smart, dedicated and caring mothers. I admire them so much. I have also heard them say they would like to re-marry and enjoy a successful marriage in the future if possible.

worf
Mcallen, TX

Too much traditional family profiling.

Drifting away from the traditional family, is wrong.

It's what makes a prosperous society.

jeanie
orem, UT

Big C,

The article discussed trends, not everyone's reality. Many single parents are fantastic, moral, hardworking people who love their kids. The article was saying that a two parent family with a mom and dad present is statistically the best condition for raising stable kids. They were not saying it was impossible in a one parent home, just much more difficult.

I would consider myself a good parent, moral, hardworking, envested in the well-being of my children but I have to state I would not want to parent alone. My husband's perspective is invaluable to the raising of our kids. He sees things I miss, I see what he misses and our children are better off for it.

IMAN
Marlborough, MA

@Kings Court: "If we really value families, we would outlaw divorce. That is the major problem with families nowadays."
I disagree with both sentences.
1st I would re-phrase the first to: If we really value families we would have those that wish to be wed figuratively have to walk through fire to get married. People that have to actually work to attain the goal of marriage are more likely to stay in it for the long haul and lead to less divorce IMVHO.

2nd IMVHO there are other problems that are far worse for families than divorce. One of them is invalidating family units as meaningful or wholesome because they don't fit the image that some have of a "traditional family"

Really???
Kearns, UT

If we truly value families headed by two adult parents, we need to change our actions. We need to stop trying to create laws that forbid two loving adults from establishing a family. We need to encourage women to get complete college degrees or more advanced career training even though they may take considerable time off to raise children. We need to teach men to get as much education as possible to financially support their families. The biggest step in improving the declining family is through better education.

Richard Larson
Galt, CA

No that photo doesn't look staged at all.....

Maudine
SLC, UT

A "thorough education in how to have sex responsibly" includes the advice to wait to have sex.

Studies - and reality - have shown that abstinence only education results in higher out of wedlock pregnancy rates, thereby perpetuating the cycle so bemoaned at the beginning of this article.

I find it interesting that the article takes one reasonable approach to teaching children about responsible reproduction and tears it apart because parents are apparently unable to handle that part of educating their children. The authors of the article apparently also feel it is not appropriate for schools to teach this delicate subject.

No - they want this taught at church.

If we, as a society, truly value families and promote children being born into families, than we must encourage ALL parents, not just the "gold standard" ones, to get married. We must stress that pregnancy should occur after marriage and proper steps should be taken to prevent pregnancy before marriage - including the use of birth control for those who are going to indulge.

We have fantastic messages not to drink but if you do drink don't drive, we should handle sex the same way.

bandersen
Saint George, UT

James Q Wilson, in a report buried somewhere in the federal bureaucracy, on purpose for sure, said that there were three things to do to avoid poverty your whole life: Finish high school, marry before having a child, and don't get married before the age of 20. after reading the absolutely confusing and disoriented rhetoric by some on this page, kids need something specific. The above advice ( here) is only possible if it is couple with God behind it! without God, what is left is a person's personal approach, which, to a kid boiling with harmones and a culture, abetted by some on this bead, that views sex as some sort of adventure with no consequences, is certainly not going to be persuaded by a few boring bystanders without principles telling them that there is no such thing as a standard, conscience, or responsible citizenship.

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