Comments about ‘Ask Angela: I don't like how my future husband treats his mom’

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Published: Monday, Jan. 6 2014 5:00 a.m. MST

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Honestly this is probably just how the guy was raised. He probably was used to his mother constantly doing everything for him and cleaning up for him all his life growing up and never learned that he was supposed to help out or show proper gratitude when someone did these sorts of things for him. Basically his parents didn't teach him self-reliance or proper manners. It's unfortunate but it happens sometimes especially to guys who are "mama's boys" and whose mothers never learn how to let go and treat them like adults.

Bad habits are hard to break. This guy is going to expect to get a wife who will treat him the way his mother did, and in this day and age that's probably not realistic. If this woman is not willing to wait on him hand and foot, rather than expecting him to change, she probably should just exit the relationship and move on to someone with different upbringing and habits, while she still can.

Orem, UT

I remember my mom telling me about when she ate dinner with my dad's family for the first time. Every single one of his siblings ordered my Grandma around, asking for refills or whatever else they did not have at hand. My mom even spoke up and said, "Ya'll have feet, use them." Had my mom taken that first impression and cut and run I would not have the amazing dad that I have today. It turned out that my Grandma was so picky on how things were done and serving her family was her way to show them how much she loved them, that my Grandma did everything during meal times. It was simply how my dad grew up.
Today, my mom and dad work side by side in the kitchen. Every Christmas my dad is at the waffle iron making waffles while my mom makes the eggs.
However, I was engaged to a guy who joked about chaining the woman to the fridge and that the woman's place was in the kitchen. He even said to his mom on occasion, "Woman get me something to eat." In that case I would say RUN!!!!

Harrisburg, IL

I was engaged to a man who was raised in a family where the gender roles were firmly entrenched. He didn't see anything wrong because his eyes weren't opened. There wasn't anything wrong with him.

When we started dating, he 'told' me to get him a glass of water. The first time this happened, I spoke up. I said I didn't mind getting it since I was already up, but I would appreciate being asked. He looked at me like I had three heads. He really was clueless. It took time and reminding, but he changed that habit. I saw that change with his mother too. He no longer did it in his family home.

We have remained friends over the 20+ years. He treats his mother with love. In fact, she lives in a mother-in-law suite at his home. He took care of the children and is the main housekeeper doing laundry, dishes, and floors.

Don't run unless the man is unwilling to see that a different dynamic could function.

Orem, UT

From watching my own parents,I was determined to marry somebody who would be helpful in the kitchen. My husband was always very helpful when we were dating and has continued to be that way in the almost 26 years we have been married. I have never had to ask him to help clean up. I think this is a major point of contention for many marriages, including my own relatives'. I'm not sure this is a deal-breaker but if he doesn't show a significant desire to change, maybe it should be. It can be really difficult to change the way you grew up.

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