Feminism is in large measure the reason why many women feel this way. And
it's shameful. Not to mention, to say that the very thing that the female
body was designed for in the first place "ruins" it is patently absurd.
I'm probably spoiled because my wife eats very healthy and loves to
exercise, but I think this article is improtant. Our Utah wives and mothers are
stressed to the max. They have to be everything, mother of 8 amazing kids,
fitness model body, RS president, PTA officer, TV worthy chef, tuned into
culture, literate, math and keep a beautifully clean house. You can't do
it all and if you maximize one area you lose out on another. I like articles
like this because they take alittle pressure off. Utah culture is ridiculous
and permeates the LDS church. Take a load off ladies, relax, have some fun. We
love you for so many reasons that don't include keeping up with the
Joneses. We married you becauase you're out best friends and confidants.
In a state with such high rates of depression, messages like this for women will
never come too often.
Just to clarify. The reason my wife exercises and eats healthy is not so much
for good looks as to be able to take care of the children we have and to be able
to have more. Good looks are just a nice side effect which we both are thankful
I love this article! I am the proud mother of four children and each has
"marred" my body in some way. I consider the stretch marks, sagging
skin, baggy belly and other such evidences as blessings. My husband and I
struggled for six years with infertility and I wouldn't trade a single
post-pregnancy mark on my body for the flat belly and thin hips I had before
having children. Every sign of childbearing on my body is to me a badge of
honor. I have a mature, child-bearing woman's body and I am extremely
grateful for it!
A beautiful commentary on the carbon footprint a child leaves on its mother. And
remember, breastfeeding helps prevent breast cancer. Enjoy motherhood!
Giving up a body for another body is worth it!
In the spirit of Eternal Life, what does it matter if we don't look like we
did when we were a teenager. I am the mother of 5 wonderful children, and would
have had more had there been more for me. I was married at 18 and had my first
child that first year. She is now a beautiful Grandma herself at the age of 68
As I look at the pictures of my beautiful mother, who has been gone for many
years, I love every wrinkle, and her beautiful dark eyes, still reveal her smile
and love for her 10 children. May the Lord Bless you and your children, and may
you be blessed with many more.
Soft curves and toned muscles, with smooth skin and the spark of life combine to
form the sublime visage of womanhood. However, this pales in comparison with
the same form, added upon with a divine dignity and grace, coupled with a glory
that is itself a divine power of infinite potential. Sunday school fable or
vision vouchsafed by the power of the Holy Ghost? You decide, but there are
many who will read this and say, "Yes, I have seen it, too."
your body will age and sag and wrinkle after all you can do... your kids endure
for ever..... am I missing something here??? Sure be fit and have fun but
comparing your body to your kids is foolish. Like comparing a cracking piece of
cement to a nugget of pure gold.
As we were preparing to blend 2 families several years ago, I was fretting over
the condition of the body I'd be presenting--wrinkles, sags, and enough
stretch marks to cause my abdomen resemble a road map, complete with
surgical-scar Interstates. He said, "Don't you know those are the
marks of a queen? Any selfish princess can have a flawless body; it's a
queen who has risked her life to bring a new life to the earth!"
SlopJ30- How can you know that they don't know? gmlewis- Thanks for sharing your hard-earned perspective on the real beauty of your
wife. When a person is faced with the reality of death you do give more thought
about what comes next. I can't imagine a more real life issue than what you
and your wife went through.
"What part of 'I think my wife is wonderful' nauseates
you?"Nothing about that part. It's great you think your
wife is wonderful and I hope she feels the same about you. What I chuckle and
SMH at is the cheezy nonsense where people fantasize about the theoretical
physical form their spouse will take in some mythical future post-mortal
paradise.When you lament the idea that "many husbands are
clueless about how beautiful their wives will be after the resurrection," I
read "many husbands are rational and don't put a second's thought
into fairy stories about transformations their wives will undergo after
they're both brought back from the dead by magic."Hey, I
know I'm in the minority on this site with my reaction. Corny,
sacrament-meeting-talk-worthy lines are greeted with many enthusiastic thumbs up
'round here. I can't help be a little irritated when a piece focusing
on a real-life issue -- women's body image and how it relates to having
children -- elicits balderdash responses about the unknowable things you claim
@SlopJ30: BARF? What part of "I think my wife is wonderful" nauseates
you? Many husbands are just grateful that their wives survived
childbirth. Not all have been so fortunate.Be grateful for the
resurrection. Mortality will take a toll on your body also.
I am a man and I absolutely adore the human female form. One of the things I
have learned in my life is the human body, both male and female, is a work of
unmatched beauty and wonder. Sometimes I've seen images of a body that
makes me stop in utter amazement and awe.And yet, as captivating,
powerful and wondrous as the human body is, there's something even more
incredible, more amazing: love.Love, in it's literally
'perfect' form.I mean 'love' as the level of
love that God has.I want my wife to be beautiful forever (and, yes,
ladies, just like I want to be "beautiful" and physically attractive to
my wife).I think she could take better care of herself. I firmly
believe that millions and millions of women use the "I've had
babies" as an excuse to not try to keep themselves physically attractive.What a shame.Both their spouses and themselves lose out in
the process.But....even given those weaknesses and mistakes, love,
and the children that come from being pregnant is worth it all.If
waiting until the resurrection is what it takes, I'll wait.
Being able to create life is an amazing blessing, and for some women it leaves
marks. For others, it doesn't. Yes, living a healthy lifestyle is
definitely a good idea and may influence post-natal "marks". However, I think a central message here is to stop judging each other because
of the different ways that our bodies look and to realize that stretch marks or
other post-natal bodily changes are sometimes the earned stipes of motherhood.
Frankly, hearing men talk about how their wives did or should stay beautiful
after they gave birth felt a little demeaning. They are making a person -
isn't that enough without having to worry about living up to a standard
that so often is practically impossible to achieve? To me this article
isn't about who or what is attractive to whom, whose wife is healthier or
more beautiful, but cherishing the miracle that is motherhood and a woman's
ability to create life inside her body. That is totally awesome! Props to
That was awesome! Thank you for articulating what I cannot. I have always felt a
deep sense of reverence for my wife in the gift she has given me in my children.
It is amazing to me that she would risk destroying the very thing that initially
attracted me to her so that she could give me this tremendous gift. She is my
queen, I am indebted to her, we are a remarkable team. Thank you again for so
perfectly articulating your thoughts.
gmlewis says: “It is a shame that many husbands are clueless about how
beautiful their wives will be after the resurrection.” First
off, BARF. But, in the interest of fairness, I will try the following line on my
wife and let you know how it goes: “Honey, I bet you’ll be pretty
attractive at some point after you die. I can’t wait!”I
M LDS 2 taught me a couple of things today . . (1) only ugly women get divorces,
and (2) windstorms can destroy intangible, abstract concepts like poetry. Huh! I
always thought wind only affected physical objects.And I’m
with red.diehard . . life in the Pachev home sounds like sheer torture. The
“No exceptions; no excuses” sounds uncomfortably close to military
sloganeering.Maybe my dismissive reaction to these articles and many
of the comments is reflective of the fact that my wife, who’s given birth
to four kids, looks darn good. Not “teenage” good, but by any
reasonable standard she’s attractive. If she had a face/body that would
stop a clock, maybe I’d be singing a different tune.
WOW ! Where would I be if my mother had the same philosophy? Where would we all
be if our mother had that philosophy?
A womb is different from a stomach.
@red.diehardNothing wrong with taking care of yourself, just because
someone is healthy doesn't mean they do it for the paparazzi. Good for
Sasha's wife way to go the distance. Really red I would say
get over yourself and don't attack someone who is happy with the life they
President Gordon B. Hinckley noted the normal changes in his own beloved wife
near their 50th anniversary. "Now, for more than half a century, we have
walked together through much of storm as well as sunshine. Today neither of us
stands as tall as we once did. As I looked at her across the table, I noted a
few wrinkles in her face and hands. But are they less beautiful than before? No,
in fact, they are more so. Those wrinkles have a beauty of their own, and
inherent in their very presence is something that speaks reassuringly of
strength and integrity and a love that runs more deeply and quietly than ever
before." (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 328). I feel similarly. I am
thankful my wife of nearly a quarter century chose giving life to our children
even though it cost her a pre-natal body. Her post-natal body is no less
beautiful to me. Perhaps in time or eternity I can make it up to her.
@Christopher BYou are completely missing the point of this article.
The author is promoting self love & celebration of the irreversible marks of
child bearing (ie. stretch marks, widened bone structure, etc.). Self
appreciation is the first step to healthy living. How can you expect a woman who
hates her body to treat her body with respect, love, and healthy choices? She
I do not agree with the comment from I M LDS 2My response:Our marriage was not ruined by pregnancies. She may think her body is ruined,
but I do not, and I knew it would change after that first birth.I
cannot speak for my wife, but she did not appear to be ruined by the birth of
our three beautiful children. I still had the same love and passion for her and
we have been married for 45 years and counting.It is a man's
natural instinct to look at other women. There is nothing wrong with looking, it
is how he is thinking and how that woman is presenting. I bet that women look at
men and make judgments.Women have different capabilities and desires
for their ultimate health and looks. I have seen many women who have had more
babies than my wife, and they still look wonderful, but not all women are
willing to do that, just like not all men really care about their health or
looks. Just look around you. And when you look at some of those women, unless
you see the kids, you would not believe they had kids.
@Sasha Pahev @I am LDS TOOIf that was life in my house...just
shoot me. I am glad that my wife is not obsessed with looking like a kid.
There isn't a wrinkle, sag, and stretch mark that I don't adore. What
you think about her?...neither of could not care less.Get over
yourself and ad agency definitions of beauty.
It is a shame that many husbands are clueless about how beautiful their wives
will be after the resurrection. A healthy body is a blessing, but this mortal
frame will only endure a few years in the eternal scheme of things. I almost lost my wife in childbirth, and since then I appreciate her more than
ever. A wife is more than just a body. She made a tremendous sacrifice to be a
mother, and she is wonderful in my eyes.
Just another copy/paste article from the Des News. We get a very similar
story/blog/post week after week after week. I'm also with
Sasha, it is very possible for women to look much the same after giving birth.
Recently in the news there have been multiple women show of thin, fit,
attractive bodies not too long after giving birth, and WITHOUT surgery.Hollywood teaches us that looks are everything and the Des News has taken an
equally poor approach by having these mommy bloggers week after week tell each
other there isn't much they can do to control how they look so just
don't worry about it. I think this approach is equally
incorrect and unhelpful.It takes a lot of hard work and eating
right, but is very possible for women to have a slim, shapely, attractive body
"Before I became pregnant, someone told me, Don't have a baby. Babies
ruin your body." Anyone who share this belief is not marriage material, end
of story. I dated a girl... as soon as I found out she had this feeling was the
end of our relationship.
Get as sentimental as you want, but the harsh reality (demonstrated by numerous
careful studies) is that babies not only ruin bodies, they also ruin marriages.
Those are statistical facts that are not unrelated.Trivializing this
"ruining bodies" reality by trying to spin it into something profoundly
opposite is so much poetry in a wind storm: it won't hold up.When a woman looks in the mirror she can tell what "ruined" looks
like, and it affects her self-esteem no matter how poetic she tries to be.When her husband looks at her, he is not deluded by poetry.And women are very aware that their husbands are seeing "ruined",
especially as compared with the other single women "at the office".It is a challenge, there is no doubt.Sasha Pachev's
wife seems to have the right idea. Yes, it is a lot of work, but being healthy
is always better than not, and healthier bodies are more attractive and happier
bodies, regardless how many babies they have birthed.That seems to
be the proper take home message here: stay in shape the best you can.Making excuses for and giving up on healthy: bad idea.
Beautifully written, what many women feel but cannot put it so eloquently into
words. Thank you.
Bringing a baby into the world involves sacrifice and will put some wear on the
body of the mother. However, with proper nutrition and exercise it is possible
to contain the damage. My wife at the age of 38 still looks more or less like a
healthy teenager after giving birth to eight children. The secret - she runs 6
days a week, even when pregnant, adjusting the mileage and the speed based on
the fitness and overall well-being that day, but she always gets out. She never
eats fast food or any kind of junk such as soda pop, anything artificially
sweetened or fattened, etc, no exceptions no excuses.
Awesome post. Especially love that last line.