Comments about ‘'Babies ruin bodies'’

Return to article »

Published: Thursday, Jan. 2 2014 10:05 a.m. MST

Comments
  • Oldest first
  • Newest first
  • Most recommended
Danny Chipman
Lehi, UT

Awesome post. Especially love that last line.

Sasha Pachev
Provo, UT

Bringing a baby into the world involves sacrifice and will put some wear on the body of the mother. However, with proper nutrition and exercise it is possible to contain the damage. My wife at the age of 38 still looks more or less like a healthy teenager after giving birth to eight children. The secret - she runs 6 days a week, even when pregnant, adjusting the mileage and the speed based on the fitness and overall well-being that day, but she always gets out. She never eats fast food or any kind of junk such as soda pop, anything artificially sweetened or fattened, etc, no exceptions no excuses.

CHWZJOY
Layton, UT

Beautifully written, what many women feel but cannot put it so eloquently into words. Thank you.

I M LDS 2
Provo, UT

Get as sentimental as you want, but the harsh reality (demonstrated by numerous careful studies) is that babies not only ruin bodies, they also ruin marriages. Those are statistical facts that are not unrelated.

Trivializing this "ruining bodies" reality by trying to spin it into something profoundly opposite is so much poetry in a wind storm: it won't hold up.

When a woman looks in the mirror she can tell what "ruined" looks like, and it affects her self-esteem no matter how poetic she tries to be.

When her husband looks at her, he is not deluded by poetry.

And women are very aware that their husbands are seeing "ruined", especially as compared with the other single women "at the office".

It is a challenge, there is no doubt.

Sasha Pachev's wife seems to have the right idea. Yes, it is a lot of work, but being healthy is always better than not, and healthier bodies are more attractive and happier bodies, regardless how many babies they have birthed.

That seems to be the proper take home message here: stay in shape the best you can.

Making excuses for and giving up on healthy: bad idea.

fani
wj, UT

"Before I became pregnant, someone told me, Don't have a baby. Babies ruin your body." Anyone who share this belief is not marriage material, end of story. I dated a girl... as soon as I found out she had this feeling was the end of our relationship.

Christopher B
Ogden, UT

Just another copy/paste article from the Des News. We get a very similar story/blog/post week after week after week.

I'm also with Sasha, it is very possible for women to look much the same after giving birth. Recently in the news there have been multiple women show of thin, fit, attractive bodies not too long after giving birth, and WITHOUT surgery.

Hollywood teaches us that looks are everything and the Des News has taken an equally poor approach by having these mommy bloggers week after week tell each other there isn't much they can do to control how they look so just don't worry about it.

I think this approach is equally incorrect and unhelpful.

It takes a lot of hard work and eating right, but is very possible for women to have a slim, shapely, attractive body after babies.

gmlewis
Houston, TX

It is a shame that many husbands are clueless about how beautiful their wives will be after the resurrection. A healthy body is a blessing, but this mortal frame will only endure a few years in the eternal scheme of things.

I almost lost my wife in childbirth, and since then I appreciate her more than ever. A wife is more than just a body. She made a tremendous sacrifice to be a mother, and she is wonderful in my eyes.

red.diehard
Central, UT

@Sasha Pahev
@I am LDS TOO

If that was life in my house...just shoot me. I am glad that my wife is not obsessed with looking like a kid. There isn't a wrinkle, sag, and stretch mark that I don't adore. What you think about her?...neither of could not care less.

Get over yourself and ad agency definitions of beauty.

wtarin
Colorado Springs, CO

I do not agree with the comment from I M LDS 2

My response:

Our marriage was not ruined by pregnancies. She may think her body is ruined, but I do not, and I knew it would change after that first birth.

I cannot speak for my wife, but she did not appear to be ruined by the birth of our three beautiful children. I still had the same love and passion for her and we have been married for 45 years and counting.

It is a man's natural instinct to look at other women. There is nothing wrong with looking, it is how he is thinking and how that woman is presenting. I bet that women look at men and make judgments.

Women have different capabilities and desires for their ultimate health and looks. I have seen many women who have had more babies than my wife, and they still look wonderful, but not all women are willing to do that, just like not all men really care about their health or looks. Just look around you. And when you look at some of those women, unless you see the kids, you would not believe they had kids.

CHWZJOY
Layton, UT

@Christopher B

You are completely missing the point of this article. The author is promoting self love & celebration of the irreversible marks of child bearing (ie. stretch marks, widened bone structure, etc.). Self appreciation is the first step to healthy living. How can you expect a woman who hates her body to treat her body with respect, love, and healthy choices? She cannot.

IDblue&white
Rigby, ID

President Gordon B. Hinckley noted the normal changes in his own beloved wife near their 50th anniversary. "Now, for more than half a century, we have walked together through much of storm as well as sunshine. Today neither of us stands as tall as we once did. As I looked at her across the table, I noted a few wrinkles in her face and hands. But are they less beautiful than before? No, in fact, they are more so. Those wrinkles have a beauty of their own, and inherent in their very presence is something that speaks reassuringly of strength and integrity and a love that runs more deeply and quietly than ever before." (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, 328). I feel similarly. I am thankful my wife of nearly a quarter century chose giving life to our children even though it cost her a pre-natal body. Her post-natal body is no less beautiful to me. Perhaps in time or eternity I can make it up to her.

Northern
Logan, UT

@red.diehard

Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, just because someone is healthy doesn't mean they do it for the paparazzi. Good for Sasha's wife way to go the distance.

Really red I would say get over yourself and don't attack someone who is happy with the life they have.

K
Mchenry, IL

A womb is different from a stomach.

Rikitikitavi
Cardston, Alberta

WOW ! Where would I be if my mother had the same philosophy? Where would we all be if our mother had that philosophy?

SlopJ30
St Louis, MO

gmlewis says: “It is a shame that many husbands are clueless about how beautiful their wives will be after the resurrection.”

First off, BARF. But, in the interest of fairness, I will try the following line on my wife and let you know how it goes: “Honey, I bet you’ll be pretty attractive at some point after you die. I can’t wait!”

I M LDS 2 taught me a couple of things today . . (1) only ugly women get divorces, and (2) windstorms can destroy intangible, abstract concepts like poetry. Huh! I always thought wind only affected physical objects.

And I’m with red.diehard . . life in the Pachev home sounds like sheer torture. The “No exceptions; no excuses” sounds uncomfortably close to military sloganeering.

Maybe my dismissive reaction to these articles and many of the comments is reflective of the fact that my wife, who’s given birth to four kids, looks darn good. Not “teenage” good, but by any reasonable standard she’s attractive. If she had a face/body that would stop a clock, maybe I’d be singing a different tune.

mufasta
American Fork, UT

That was awesome! Thank you for articulating what I cannot. I have always felt a deep sense of reverence for my wife in the gift she has given me in my children. It is amazing to me that she would risk destroying the very thing that initially attracted me to her so that she could give me this tremendous gift. She is my queen, I am indebted to her, we are a remarkable team. Thank you again for so perfectly articulating your thoughts.

J F
Amarillo, TX

Being able to create life is an amazing blessing, and for some women it leaves marks. For others, it doesn't. Yes, living a healthy lifestyle is definitely a good idea and may influence post-natal "marks".
However, I think a central message here is to stop judging each other because of the different ways that our bodies look and to realize that stretch marks or other post-natal bodily changes are sometimes the earned stipes of motherhood. Frankly, hearing men talk about how their wives did or should stay beautiful after they gave birth felt a little demeaning. They are making a person - isn't that enough without having to worry about living up to a standard that so often is practically impossible to achieve? To me this article isn't about who or what is attractive to whom, whose wife is healthier or more beautiful, but cherishing the miracle that is motherhood and a woman's ability to create life inside her body. That is totally awesome! Props to mothers everywhere!

The Caravan Moves On
Enid, OK

I am a man and I absolutely adore the human female form. One of the things I have learned in my life is the human body, both male and female, is a work of unmatched beauty and wonder. Sometimes I've seen images of a body that makes me stop in utter amazement and awe.

And yet, as captivating, powerful and wondrous as the human body is, there's something even more incredible, more amazing: love.

Love, in it's literally 'perfect' form.

I mean 'love' as the level of love that God has.

I want my wife to be beautiful forever (and, yes, ladies, just like I want to be "beautiful" and physically attractive to my wife).

I think she could take better care of herself. I firmly believe that millions and millions of women use the "I've had babies" as an excuse to not try to keep themselves physically attractive.

What a shame.

Both their spouses and themselves lose out in the process.

But....even given those weaknesses and mistakes, love, and the children that come from being pregnant is worth it all.

If waiting until the resurrection is what it takes, I'll wait.

gmlewis
Houston, TX

@SlopJ30: BARF? What part of "I think my wife is wonderful" nauseates you?

Many husbands are just grateful that their wives survived childbirth. Not all have been so fortunate.

Be grateful for the resurrection. Mortality will take a toll on your body also.

SlopJ30
St Louis, MO

"What part of 'I think my wife is wonderful' nauseates you?"

Nothing about that part. It's great you think your wife is wonderful and I hope she feels the same about you. What I chuckle and SMH at is the cheezy nonsense where people fantasize about the theoretical physical form their spouse will take in some mythical future post-mortal paradise.

When you lament the idea that "many husbands are clueless about how beautiful their wives will be after the resurrection," I read "many husbands are rational and don't put a second's thought into fairy stories about transformations their wives will undergo after they're both brought back from the dead by magic."

Hey, I know I'm in the minority on this site with my reaction. Corny, sacrament-meeting-talk-worthy lines are greeted with many enthusiastic thumbs up 'round here. I can't help be a little irritated when a piece focusing on a real-life issue -- women's body image and how it relates to having children -- elicits balderdash responses about the unknowable things you claim to know.

to comment

DeseretNews.com encourages a civil dialogue among its readers. We welcome your thoughtful comments.
About comments